Journey mercies

Pondered a bit more on the imagery impressed upon me yesterday, it made me think of the many psalms written by people who commonly cried out to God as to why He remained silent and distant from them when their needs were greatest. Even now, it is so common to hear friends talk about their dark moments, where God seemed so faraway, so silent, so distant that sometimes they wondered whether He was there or not. I know I say those things quite often myself.

And the last few weeks it did seem that God was silent, especially when I had so much stress with work and other issues. People love to quote the Footprints in the Sand story, about how the author dreamt he walked along the beach, and he always saw two sets of footprints on the sand. But he noticed during his most difficult times, there was always only one pair of footprints. He questioned God on it, and God replied to him that it was in those difficult times when God carried him on His shoulders.

But I wonder, is that true? I wonder, during our most difficult times, when God remains silent and distant, instead of continuing to walk, does God instead stop and stand still? And wait for us?

I wonder does God wait for us to stop moaning and groaning, so that instead of hearing our own voices and complaining about the problems, open our eyes and look at His face, instead of our anguish? Does God wait for us to stop talking about how everything is going wrong in our lives, and to start paying attention to what He may say about our lives? Does God wait for us to come to the understanding that nothing we do, say, think can help us, but He alone will overcome?

We often hear and read about how we are to reflect His light in our lives, to reflect the work He does in us. After all, were we not made to reflect His image? If God remains silent and still, shouldn't we be reflecting His silence and stillness?

During presentations or trainings, what I usually do when I have to deal with an unruly group of students or audience, is to remain absolutely still and silent before them. When they began to notice that I stand at the front quiet and expectant, they will always fall silent and only when I have everyone's attention do I began what I have to say.

I wonder, does our Teacher use the same strategy? When we're busy chatting with other people or being distracted by other things, does He stand absolutely silent and still, simply to get our attention before He begins His lesson?

I wonder, what kind of students are we?

Are we the sensitive ones, who understand the reason to the Teacher's silence, and fall silent as well, and are willing to listen? Or are we the rebellious kind, who look at the Teacher and roll their eyes, and tell themselves and other people that they don't care, they will do what they want to do, and purposefully turn their backs to the Teacher. Are we the less bright students, who don't understand what the Teacher is doing, and just occupy themselves with their own work to wait until the Teacher starts teaching before they began to pay attention? Or even worse, just fall asleep whenever we have the chance? Are we the kind of students who simply can't focus, even if we want to, but we just don't want to discipline ourselves to focus, even when the Teacher is in the midst of teaching?

Last night, when I began to finally understand the lesson my Master was teaching me, I stopped jerking the bridles He held, and began to fall silent and still myself. Instead of focusing on the things I could do or wanted to do, I began to notice my Master's face, looking at me patiently. I began to notice the wisdom and knowledge in His eyes, and the love in His lips. And I began to find delight in just looking at that face, and for the first time in the last few weeks, I see my Master's face break out in a wide smile.

This is what I live for, not for the places I will go, not how fast I will run, not how far I will travel, but for my Master's love and approval. This is all I have to live for.