Journey mercies

On Monday they forced my team to change seats.

I used to sit right at the end of the office, in a lonely corner. Now I sit in the middle of the office, facing the pathway to the exit.

There are cupboards stacked against the cubicles along the pathway. But along my cubicle, there is a gap. It proves to be a very comfortable spot for people to lean against the cubicle to speak with me.

My mood from Monday to Thursdays was declining day by day, and this morning, I was waspish.

My colleague finally asked me after a while why I was so fierce today because I was curt and unfriendly when she tried to talk to me.

That was when I tried to explain how I had no patience for human beings today. I was sick and tired of talking to people. Why did they have to talk to me when it was obvious I wasn't interested. Just leave me alone!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Then she said some things which began unravelling the problem.

My new seat was too open where everyone suddenly felt more convenient to talk to me on the way to toilet or on the way to get water or on the way back to their seats.


They. Keep. Talking. To. Me.

*Grates teeth*


In the first place, when my mind is occupied, especially at work, I don't like people intruding in my space. And in the second, I was comfortably secluded at the far corner for the last 2 months and because I was new and nobody really knows me, they felt I was too unapproachable with all my seriousness. A common perception I am only too happy to perpetuate because I don't like people talking to me about nonsensical things when I'm working.

Apparently no one cares that I have my earphones plugged on anymore and whether or not I can hear them. First line of defense completely ignored.

Apparently my serious and fierce face also doesn't dampen them anymore. Second line of defense gone too.

Even my snappish tone doesn't deter some of them!!!!!!

I don't want to lose my temper and tell them to leave me alone (which is a very very likely thing for me to do).

I think I'll try buying those super huge muffler type headphones and a sign stuck on it that says Do Not Disturb.

In the top floor of my office building is a cafetaria where the people running it are the loveliest people in Singapore.

The Uncle who makes the drinks is always teasing and trying to pull my leg.

One day I noticed his hair was brightly coloured and asked him if he dyed it. He sighed and said yes, and gave me a forlorn look, saying he chose the wrong colour.

Some days later it must have been too much for him, his hair changed to a darker colour. I asked him if he redyed it.

And he animatedly tried to convince me of how he was walking along the beach when the wind blew and it changed colours.

Today as I waited for my tea to be made, I picked up the takeaway cup from the counter, I realised why he had silently left it there rather than try to tease me as he usually does. He left his handicraft to chuckle away silently.

We need more folks like him with cheerful hearts undaunted even if they don't make great amount of money and live luxurious lifestyles.

Many years ago, I followed my church elder to Tapah, a 2 hours drive out of Kuala Lumpur, to visit the indigenous village there and encourage them in the work.

On the journey back into KL, he got hailed down by police along the city highway just before our neighbourhood and my church elder, bless the man, gave a really innocent face to the police. He gave a feeble excuse of not realizing he was speeding because on the state highways the speed limit is 110kmph whereas in the city, it is only 90kmph and he forgot to notice the difference.

This story is a good lesson point to me right now.

Some recent events revealed to me how I had unknowingly gone on a speed adjusted to a different limit that I was used to for an extended period and failed to notice the change of limits when I entered a different leg of my journey.

The different speed limits are optimizations adjusted specifically for unique conditions. It is interesting how the Lord has prompted me ever so gently to consider changing gears.

Time for some needed personal reflections as to what this will entail.

While I was in a taxi, the driver was chatting away about life and risks. He was trying to convince me that life is short, we should take more risks and live it to the fullest to avoid having regrets.

A little tired of my timid ways when it comes to sharing the gospel of what Christ has done for us, I tentatively suggested that he needed to consider 2 steps ahead rather than 1.

We all die anyway, so what's the point of striving to reach to a point that we can look back and be simply glad we lived it to the fullest?

Why not consider what will happen after we die?

He insisted that no one knows what will happen after we die so we should only concentrate on what we know today.

I simply said as a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven. That brought us to a different sphere of conversation.

Before I was dropped off at my location, I told him strongly that it is far more arrogant, for people to believe that God does not exist. Far more arrogant than me saying I believe I will go to heaven, because that really lies on the premise that I am weak and a sinner, and I need God's forgiveness.

I am tired of being timid and worrying whether or not I would make people uncomfortable by being too confrontational. It feels so very good to just draw lines, that this is what I know to be true and why it is important to say so.

On Thursday I had a whole day workshop on presentation skills. The trainer had little trinkets of puzzles on the desks, presumably to keep the more restless ones entertained, like me! I got so annoyed as I was trying to separate the trinket apart for HOURS. The trainer adviced me to take it home if not I might get too cranky thinking about it.

When I got back to my desk the end of the day, chatted with Ah See, my team member, turned back to the trinket and it came apart in my own hands.

I blinked at it for a few seconds and flew into a fit.

I spent HOURS on it, and it comes apart without me even seeing how it came apart!?!?!

#&$(%$)@##

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Enjoyed the day quietly at home (it was National Day) and just really enjoying home. The sunlight streaming into the apartment, the greenery rustling.

Then I took a walk in the evening and really, thank You God for all the goodness You have blessed. Especially for my parents who have enabled me to have this lifestyle I now love so much.

Being able to live next to this is amazing.

While I was on my way into the city after a client meeting my headache was growing and so was the nausea in my stomach. I started praying that I wouldn't throw up in the taxi cab and was actually planning in my head the cleanest way to throw up if it really came to that.

By the time I got out of the cab, I sighed with relief. Surely the driver must have been really bad for my tummy to churn that way, I thought.

I decided to get something hot to drink to calm my stomach but when I stood in Starbucks and was washed by fresh bout of nausea and dizziness again, I realised that something was really off.

That was when I sent an SOS to Mom who was around the corner in the nearby hotel.

It was about the time I was supposed to meet her after her company event anyway and when she answered my call I was rushing to the hotel before I fainted.

As I was running towards the hotel I felt emotional, like a lil' kid running to her Mom for help. I literally was.

Crashed in her hotel bedroom and was feeling all warm and snuggly as Mom made me tea and peeled oranges.


Siiiiighh...


Nothing like having a Mom take care of you and make you feel like everything will be okay.

Thanks Ma!

This reminds me waaaaayyy too much of myself! Everything including the intensity of the gaze.

I had a manic weekend where it was filled with back to back appointments with different groups of friends.

Grateful for understanding parents as the time spent with them was me sleeping off exhaustion by their side.

It felt like a productive weekend but my system quite nearly crashed today from just being too busy in the last 2 weeks.





I had lunch with old university mates and halfway through the lunch I suggested for us to give thanks. Sean gave a guilty look as he thought I meant giving thanks for the food when he had already tucked in to his lunch.

But I really just wanted to thank God for the friendship He had given that has seen through so much change in our lives. From being carefree students, to struggling young working adults trying to make sense of life, to weary financially responsible adults and now parenthood.

It sometimes gives me a tinge of sadness hearing how all of us have gone separate ways as I remember a time when we were all living in the same small city, full of laughter and excitement and general carefreeness.

But I am thankful, that it is but for a short time. And that we have the certainty of a kingdom to come where there is no more tears or fears and we would live a life that is even greater than our memories.

I give thanks, for it is the salvation of Christ through the Cross that gives us this certainty of a this kingdom to come.

More than a month ago, a group of old friends from Malaysia and Hong Kong came to Singapore and crammed into my apartment.

I always like it when a group of people visit me. Especially when it's a group of people. Then I can just give them a set of keys and send them off to do whatever things they want to do but leave me to my own bumming ways.

I enjoyed catching up with them and had fun with the merriments they brought with them. But more importantly they didn't require me to expand too much energy to entertain them.

Knowing how utterly lazy I can be, the girls left me alone as much as they could, but they made sure they dragged me out of bed early Sunday morning to send Christina from Hong Kong off at the airport. I absolutely adore this girl.

One thing I seem to always be in admiration of is the quality of the architecture in Singapore. They take (since they can) normal buildings and space and reconstruct it into quite a something.

But I'm not that much in admiration that I would purposely just blog about it.

I just wanted a reason to put up a picture since it's nicer to have that than just words.

The real thoughts in my head is how God seems to take the normal buildings (of thoughts in my head) and space (ie lack of thoughts in my head) and reconstructs it into "something".

Aye. "Something".