Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The lambs in the wild
So one of my ex-housemates in London, who now lives in Scotland, had a very scary moment when her new husband was admitted into hospital for pneumonia.
Sara... how I love Sara!
She's a talkative Italian where if you asked her one small question, she might very well start her answer with a story from when she was a child leading all the way up to her adulthood just to answer a very small question!
She was one of the very very few who I could get to a very deep and raw level of soul-baring. We shed tears a few times in some of our most vulnerable moments.
The day the Lord revealed I would leave London for Singapore, I was shaken and close to tears the whole day. Leaving London was always at the back of my head, but the moment the realisation of that reality hit me, it did not feel good. But I did try to fight off the dismay in me the whole day through reason and fact.
By the end of the day when I finally got back to 52, I thought I had my feelings under composure. The first person I saw in the kitchen, as I always do, was Sara and I tried to tell her nonchalantly and as matter-of-factly as I could of what I had learnt.
But I burst out crying immediately the moment I started telling Sara. I didn't even know then how I would get to Singapore, and I felt I was already packing up to leave! Sara always seemed to stand before me bare to the core of her soul and that just forces me to strip my own self-protecting layers away in reaction. That is the kind of affect Sara has over me.
Knowing some of the hurts from her own past, the news of her husband ill sank straight down to my stomach when I heard it.
I just had to give Sara a call tonight. I just had to. And to hear her voice, to hear the tired but firm strength in her voice, it was so good. It was a relief to hear that her husband will be discharged from the hospital. But after giving me as much news as she could in a short time, she could still turn her eyes away from her own situation to ask me how I was.
And it's funny, it's a phone conversation across a great span of distance, but it still felt as if she was still looking into my soul as she did standing 3 feet away from me in 52's kitchen. And I told her in as much words as possible that Singapore's great, and then proceeded to cry.
I think it was that little place of refuge in London that all of us hurting souls had somehow found ourselves converged to shelter from the battering storm, that I was missing. That moment where we learnt to heal in that shared moment of vulnerability, trusting in one another as we sheltered under the love of the Father.
And I missed that. How I miss that fellowship. That sharing of hurt, joy, fears and hopes with absolutely no pretense, no wariness or guards put up around oneself.
Before we hung up she told me she loved me and I her. One lamb stuck in the wild of the cold to the other lamb stuck in the tropical wild.
Labels: Church tales, Friends, Travels
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Psalm 23
Last week was a nerve-wrecking roller coaster ride with work. Human dynamics and office politics took a great energy to manage and were the highlights of the week.
A long story cut short, it was on Friday, the very last day for me to ensure I resolved the work situation, and I barely made it by the skin of my teeth. It was very dramatic for me.
When I got off the phone with my business partner who finally gave the confirmation needed for the matter to be closed, I felt like crowing aloud with exultation. Oh wait, I did!
I was exuberant! It was so incredibly gratifying because I did it! A potentially disastrous situation that would weaken my credibility with my peers suddenly reversed and I couldn't ask for a better result because not only was it reversed, I solidified important working relationships necessary for better work performance for the future.
It was an important week to me as I learnt so much. I've always been blessed in my work life, being surrounded by incredible people always willing to go the mile to help me with my work. This was the first time I stood alone and had no one to lean to. And all the cards I played turned out to be right. For the first time, I'm starting to believe that I'm not such a screwed up failure I accuse myself to be. And that is important.
Though I said I did it, I know I really didn't. The Lord did.
How I railed, despaired mid of the week. How I fumed at the politics at play, how helpless I felt at the moment I thought I lost. And then I prayed.
And it stopped being about Lord, vindicate me! Lord save me! Lord, help me come out of this so those who would see me fall will be shamed! But it became, it's really not important in the grand scheme of things. Teach me to leave it at Your feet and only be gripped by the passion of Your glory (as 1 Samuel 17 looped in my head on continuous replay).
By the time Friday evening came and I was headed to home church, I felt weak from all the excitement, intense relief with how God had done for me, and admittedly, gloating quite a bit. And feeling the confidence in me deepening.
Before returning to this job, I was still fearful of the lingering ghosts of the past. Would I be gripped by work as I once was? Would I find myself losing control over everything and drowning once again?
The pain of the past is fading and the peace of my Shepherd watching over me is growing.
Labels: Work tales
Monday, November 22, 2010
Idyllic Sunday
On Sunday afternoon, I lay on my couch staring out at the trees with the sound of birds chirping and listening to soft jazz music. I was cutely aware of the absence of the sounds of cars and I was glad. Even if Singapore is a tiny country without the beauty of nature UK and Malaysia are lush with, I was glad that at least in my new home, there was still some respite from the hectic busy city life.
There are some things I don't like about living on the ground unit, like some mischievous children/idiotic adults throwing rubbish out of their windows and landing on my balcony.
But it was just perfect for an idyllic Sunday.
Labels: Musings
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Attempted Setup #2
So another church member, Jx4, told me the other day she was thinking of introducing her brother-in-law to me, and our pastor had encouraged her to do so. In fact, he told her, set it up for them to meet but don't let her (as in me) know that he would also come along and sit in for it.
-____-"""
As I chatted with Jx4 and K in the bus on the way home, Jx4 was telling me about her b-in-law, and though I didn't want to be so quick in writing people off just by hearing one or two things about them, I was honestly feeling uncomfortable with what I was hearing.
Then K saved me by wisely pointing out that she didn't think it was a good idea because the b-in-law needs to find his own journey of healing, independent of people. For me, being involved in such a circumstance might only slow me down in my own journey which is on a different track from that.
Yay for wisdom. Boo for kpc* pastors.
*Busybody
Labels: Church tales
Friday, November 19, 2010
My edifying church leader
During a phone conversation with Bro O, he asked me about the Worship Leader K wanted to
set me up with. I was like n
aaawww don't think it'll happen and he asked
whhyyyy.
So I told him the reasons.
And then he responded with a suspiciously wheedling tone. Just try, you never know. He's a Wooorship leeader you knowww...
He kept nagging me about at least going to the church service to watch him from afar and not write it off so quickly, until I gave in and said Fine! Fine! I'll go to the service at least ok!?
And then he said, "Cheh! You think he will necessary fall for you ah?! Please lahhh... how you know he will even be interested in you in the first place!? Don't be so full of yourself can or not?!!!"
-_____-"""
"Oi!!! First you nag me about going to meet this guy and now you're trampling all over me?!?"
"Hahahaha... yeah, I must bring you back to reality a bit..." And he cackled away.
Honestly. Of all the types of church pastors out there, we end up with a crazy one.
Labels: Church tales
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Double accident
A couple of months ago, I was with a colleague, TC, as we waited for our client appointment. He was telling me about how his parents were retired, but he was saying how he thinks they should get out of the house and do more.
I asked him why, and he said that having too much idle time gives his mother too much imagination. She's a bit kiasi*.
He recounted something his mother said, some time back just as he was at the door about to go out to meet friends.
TC's Mother: Ah Cai, please be careful when you go out ok. Watch for the wet leaves on the ground. You might step on it, slip and fall and hit your head on the street and a car might come and run over you.
I blinked at him for a few seconds before bursting out in a loud peal of laughter.
TC to me: I stood there with my hand frozen around the door knob and could only stare at her for a few seconds with my mouth opened. Wah! It's her habit to warn me about things, but this is the first time she creatively thought up a double accident!!!
I couldn't stop laughing for a while. It was brilliant.
*A word in the Hokkien dialect that denotes a person who has many fears over many things.
Labels: Work tales
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Attempted Setup #1
So a church member recently wanted to set me up with someone from her boyfriend's church. And she was describing him to me:
K: He's a worship leader in church...
Me: Hmm... (yeah, no, not a selling point to me)
K: He plays the guitar and sings really well!
Me: Nnnhh... (well, nice to know, but again, not something I look for in a guy)
K: He's 35 and still single but it's not because there's anything wrong with him. He's got loads of girls interested in him.
Me: Mmm... (ok, at least he's single)
K: Oh oh... and the best part is! He loves his mother a lot!! He accompanies her everywhere!!! *Looks expectantly at me*
Me: Yeah?No.
And with that, he was written off.
I have loads of respect for men who love their moms, and I think it's important and if I've got a son, I want him to love me loads too. But I'm opinionated; I can be headstrong and if I'm really convinced with something, I'll stick to my guns. But I'm also soft-hearted and I believe in creating a win-win situation as much as I can without being stupidly stubborn.
The picture of this chap K took made me feel that he was a gentle and caring man. And no offense to Singaporean men, but to date, the impression I get of them is that they have an inherent culture of conformity. Individuality and rebelliousness is not appreciated.
These days I avoid female power plays as much as I can. Too much energy wasted trying to manage women who feel they should be in the alpha position. And so a gentle man whose mother is used to having his full attention is not something I want to go near. What more a gentle man who is used to accepting established authority.
Of course I can't know everything just by a short description and a picture. There is of course more to my thoughts than just this behind my utter conviction that this guy is not the one I'm waiting for.
Guess I'll just keep waiting!
Labels: Church tales, Friends
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wingman Buruk
Jingz and Mingz, the Fashion Brothers
One of this days, when I think it's safe for public consumption, I'll tell this story about my friend, who I now call Wingman Buruk. It's a funny one to me, which really tickles me everytime I think about it.
During the weekend, I was in Malaysia, and I caught up with a small group of friends from management trainee days. Working in the Singapore office now, with my group of networks pretty much resetted, I realise now what a real blessing it is, to have been part of the management trainee program and get to grow up as adults with this bunch of people.
Loads of us have gone separate ways, but it's still pretty fun coming back occasionally and sprouting nonsense and laugh at each other's lame jokes and talk about secret alliances amongst one another.
Labels: Friends
Monday, November 15, 2010
Our reverent church leader
I've known my pastor/godfather Bro O for 10 years now.
While I always describe him to friends as the one person who is the single strongest influence over my walk with God, they always inadvertently conjure up a picture of someone who is stately and quietly commanding; naturally inspiring respect and when he speaks, it is firm, gentle and deeply intuitive.
When I convinced a friend of mine to meet up with him in Malaysia while I was in London, she asked me how she would know who this Bro O was.
I told her...
"Watch out for a Cina apek (Chinese uncle-ish person) who's a bit round, big nose, wild hair, big spectacles, blinking owl-like eyes and a loud mad laughter."
She was a little taken aback by my description but went with it. When she finally met him, she said my description fitted him perfectly.
Sometimes his jokes gets so lame, I cannot help but cover my face with the pillow during church service and moan inwardly. At which point everyone else snickers because I have the lowest tolerance for his lame jokes in the group.
It is fun though having him as a church pastor. He livens things up considerably when he's around and not travelling across Malaysia. He called me up after service 2 weeks ago and I was wondering why, since it was pretty late already. After checking with me on some church matters he then prodded me and asked me if the fledging couple from our church who were walking in front of me and YYee on the way home were holding hands.
I think I accused him of being a big old gossip at some point. At which he cackled. Yes, cackled is the word.
-.-
So yes, they did. And he declared loudly, "I knew it!!!! I saw them as we drove past you guys but Irene was driving too fast!!!!! I wanted to wind down the window and shout at them!!!!!"
I slapped my forehead at that point.
"Bro O!!!!!!! You're our pastor!!!!! Can you behave yourself please?!?!"
And he continued cackling away.
When I told the girl of the fledging couple that story the following week, her face went red and she muttered that she was glad he didn't or she would have murdered him. Hehe.
Like I said, he livens things up considerably for the rest of us.
Labels: Church tales
