Journey mercies

I hope I'm doing the right thing cancelling my trip to UK. I do do do miss the place, the people, the weather, the atmosphere, the memories, everything! For the first time in my life, I wish I could step back in time. If I could step back, just for one day...

Sigh... but I can't, can I?

I badly need a break. Now that I'm not going to UK, I need to think up an alternate plan for my getaway. Well, I am going to Aussie, but I doubt that would be much of a break since I'm planning to spend every precious moments having fun with Gurjeet.

My soul's aching for a good, quiet break away from the city. I'm tempted to disappear for a few days alone, but doubt my parents would be happy with that. And I know just the place to disappear to. But disappearing alone will be quite a challenge since the place is inaccessible by public transport (I think), and with the latest episode with my car, not very keen on driving there by myself.

Luckily, there are already some people interested disappearing as well. Hope we'll manage to get the plans to take off.

I think I could understand how a scrambled egg could feel.

Wondering how do I pick up the pieces and plow forward even though all I want to do is lie down where I am and just waste away.

Talk about having a bad case of low self-esteem. Ahm feelingk it.

And I'm also having flashbacks of my cynicism I experienced when I was 12. I nearly forgot about it.

I had my first car breakdown today. :'(

It's been temperamental in the last 2 months and when I had finished a meeting with a business partner I was driving back to the office and to my utter dismay, my car started making some funny noises. I kept driving slowly in hopes to find a mechanic or find some place I could stop my car anyway, and finally my car gave up on me... along the main streets of KL, where the heaviest of traffics congregate, opposite of Pudu Jail.

Sigh.

Thank goodness I was at the left side of the road. My first reaction?

Call DaDDy!!!!!

Then I made some panic calls to my colleagues.

And as I was sitting in the car trying very hard not to make any eye contact to anyone else in the vehicles that slowly inched past my car in the midst of the thick crawl of traffic, a policeman came up.

In Malay, he asked, "What do you hope to achieve by sitting in the car?"

Ass. What did he want me to do? Get out and push my car to the nearest mechanic? Like get some education in courtesy and some basic intelligence. Yeesshh...

Thank goodness seconds later my father's face appeared. Sigh... thank God for fathers. And my father brought along a mechanic as well. So the three of them, my father, the mechanic and the policeman pushed the car to go up the curb so that it could ease some of the traffic.

So what happened? There wasn't enough water and the car overheated. But we suspect something more because it has been showing more serious symptoms than just being out of water. My dad proceeded to lecture me a little about how I should check on these things. I kept quiet although I was mentally reminding my dad he was the one who told me he had father filled when he sent my car to the workshop for a checkup.

Minutes later my dad remembered that himself and started musing about how he thought he had got the last mechanic to fill it with water. After a while my colleagues came and helped me do a car exchange, where I had to drive my dad's car to pass to my uncle and followed my colleagues back to office after that while my dad stayed with my car until it cooled down for him to add water and then drive home with it.

This is one thing I like most about my dad. He's very dependable and sure to come to our rescue when we need him to. Sigh... I don't know what I would do without my dad.

Although, my parents are sure to use this excuse to force me to buy a new car. :{

I've been trying to deflect that for 2 years now. I think it's such a waste of money buying a brand new car when I can use my mom's old car for free. :P

I met up with an old friend for dinner today, and he commented that I've lost a lot of weight since he last saw me 6 months ago. In fact, he felt I looked much better when I more flesh at my cheeks. Which I couldn't quite disagree because I compared 2 pictures of myself, one that was thinner and the other chubbier, and I had to say I prefer the chubbier one much more!

But... unfortunately, though I never thought I would ever hear myself say it, I'm losing weight against my own will. I really never thought the day I could say that would come.

I thought I was actually putting on weight, but oddly enough, it seemed to be the opposite. I'll probably need to make sure I at least have proper meals and have just enough because I do not want to be too thin. Hehe... this I know I don't wanna be. I'll never be able to hold my head up anymore if I got too thin.

What, and be shapeless, flat-chested with long straight hair like so many of my kinswomen!? Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone. Just a joke me and Gurjeet share. But honestly, being thin is not a very attractive thing. Even for a guy.

Of course, I did have my 'fat' days. So I'm glad to be in the situation where I'm in now, where I'm between two extremes. So that's a pretty good thing. If you want to know my secret of losing weight without consciously doing it, try my regime:

* Work late
* Sleep late
* Stress
* Lose appetite
* Fall sick from too much stress and too little rest
* Gym

Guarantee lose at least 1 or 2 kg wan, if you follow it for at least 2 months.

Yesterday was my last day at the office.

Nolarh, I didn't resign larh. We're all shifting to the new building at 1 Utama. Wheeee... new office! Away from the cramp and stuffy quarters they forced us to be in. The old building had its own charm, but it was sure getting run down.

So right, Bro O reminded me yesterday of James 1:2-5, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

And this morning when I opened the Bible (which I've not done for a while) I read a portion on wisdom in the book of Proverbs, and Psalm 23, of my Shepherd who leads me to quiet waters and green pastures.

Right... I'll take the hint, God.

So I kept asking Him for wisdom throughout the day. A few things happened today, but most importantly, after a period of dissatisfaction, discontentment and restlessness in the office, today I experienced some of the joy of working that went missing for a while.

It was different mainly because I stopped focusing on the negativity that kept attacking my mind; and I guess worked just became over demanding that I could finally give my full attention at work and not bother about the factors that was causing my dissatisfaction.

I was talking to a very very difficult partner in the afternoon and I honestly wanted to whack the phone over his head and tell him to go to my competitor so he can give them a difficult time instead. But I kept swallowing my pride and anger and after a while, he managed to even compromise for me after assuring him I would avoid having him to make the compromise if I could. At the end of the call, he was speaking more reasonably and almost with a hint of respect (or so I'd like to think). But the call took all my energy and focus to remain civil, and clear minded not to get pulled into arguing with him. There were moments when I raised my voice only to catch myself in time. Somebody tried to call my landline while I spoke to my partner on my mobile and I couldn't help but release tension on the caller by picking the receiver and then slamming it down again. The caller tried calling 3 times and each time I picked it up and slammed it down each time.

When I finished my call, everyone started telling me about how everyone hates working with this particular partner and was very surprised that I could manage him. My manager even said that if I can manage this particular guy, I can handle practically anyone else.

And I felt really good after the whole incident, mainly because it made me realise, I can cope after all, without my ex-Team Leader. I'm learning to stand on my own two feet. And the fact that I could swallow my own pride and anger showed me how far I've come.

And of course, most importantly, how God has never turned a deaf ear to my prayers. :)

Since I started working in my company, I've been experiencing an extra intake of stress, and unfortunately, the evidence of it seems to take in the form of acne outbreak! It's not just me, I do see some of my peers having the same problem. So I feel a little relieved that it's not just me having the problem.

But unfortunately, I have added stress from my parents as well, because I never had any problem with pimples or acnes at all throughout high school and uni. My parents keep pointing to my face and telling me I should do something. Eeessh... so I finally went for facial treatment. I did go for one last month, but it didn't seem to have really good results, so this time, I decided to go for the professionals at Leonard Drake.

Wah liau wey... when they started the extraction process I thought I could cry! The lady was ruthless! Heartless I tell you! She pinched like she had a personal vendetta against my blackheads and I had to keep myself from hitting her head. Wa sey... I can still feel the pinch!

And now I'm left with angry red dots across my forehead, cheeks and chin and the facial treatments cost quite a bit, so I hope it'll be worth it. If they don't make me beautiful again after the pain they put me through I will seriously chiong sui hui they.

My Team Leader has just left for a competitor company. It's not really sudden news; he mentally prepared us for this weeks back, but I was hoping that he would not get the job. But his last day here came and I found myself incredibly upset. My morale plunged and I couldn't concentrate on work the moment I heard the news.

The whole team was impacted because he had such a strong presence and influence, not just on us and the business, but on a lot of people in the company. More so on me because he was really like a papa hen to me, teaching me, sharing his knowledge, protecting me, and not scolding me when I made mistakes. He was like the symbol of strength of the team. With all the sh*t we had to go through, he was there like a pillar we could hold on to.

Now that he's gone...

When he left, I refused to shake his hand and it took me a while to say goodbye because I was having such a tough time holding back my tears. To my mortal mortification, somebody is telling everyone I cried... yeessh...

I feel impacted by his departure because of a more personal, deeper history that he had touched indirectly. If it were not for that, I would not have been as emotional as I was.

But business is business.

To be honest, the only thing I liked about my TL being in a competitor company is that now I recognise a face in it. It makes it more fun to know who you are competing with, even if it's akin to the student trying to compete with the teacher.

The tides are definitely turning. Just when I thought I was slipping into a comfort zone, something like this pops up. How very interesting. ;)

Hmm... noticed something? I haven't been blogging much. I've got lotsa thoughts running through my head but I don't feel like sharing them. Not like there would be much people interested anyway (Cue for affirmation :D).

Was reflecting on all the things that has happened since I entered into the official years of adulthood.

I was a pretty sad little child and I thank God for bringing me to where I am today. But the last three years has really been a period where He was shaping me to be the woman He wants me to be. The woman in the picture He paints is not beautiful but imperfect and flawed.

But it's not the beauty of the woman that captivates, but the vividness of the colors, the technique of the Master's brushing, the fine and minute details that so carefully dots the picture. It is not the painting that is astounding, but the Painter. The woman in the picture is not anything extraordinary or remarkable but the Painter makes her beautiful.

Three years ago, I only saw an empty canvas. A year passed and there were patches of color on the canvas. Another year passed and I saw the Painter bowing intensely over the canvas and His brush moving across the canvas in a faster more rapid pace. The third year and I see a picture of astounding beauty, of a woman not fully formed, but the beauty it promises already shines through.

Only with the Painter.

For the uninitiated, let me educate you on the harsh realities of working in a money hungry... err, lost my train of thoughts. Anyway, working in an MNC listed in the Wall Streets can suck big time, especially when results of the company's performance is publisized every quarter. When the end of the quarter comes, everyone's scrambling to get the numbers in.

I was sooo tempted to throw a letter at my boss during the first quarter in my current job role because that was the first time I experienced all these quarter end madness. I'm a little more prepared now for the second quarter, but it's still very tensed.

So anyway, long story short... the last six months have felt incredibly mad. I'm sure some of my friends have felt the impact of it. Hehehe...

And I was sooooo ready to just go out and party once the quarter closed! And I'm so glad that the WC match between Germany - Argentina did not hinder most of my colleagues from not joining me in partying.