Journey mercies

And the exodus begins. The annual pilgrimage back to homes, humble beginnings or just to where the heart is.

Since my sister is back from the States, and by tradition I'm the pushover of the family who usually ends up sitting uncomfortably in the middle of the backseat everytime the five of - my parents, my brother and sister, are in the car, the thought of suffering for a few hours sitting uncomfortably during the journey back to Taiping to my grandparent's home was not very enticing.

So with the discernment from my gift of foresight, decided to ring my cousin sister, who's the only child in her family to secure myself a comfortable place in her car during the exodus home. And there we were, me sitting in a comfortable car with my cuz and her parents, and we started the journey.

An hour later, I'm back at my own home in Bangsar.

Because the traffic jam was freaking long and even before we reached the Sungai Buloh toll, it was already back to back with cars that looked like they were parked in a parking lot rather than on a highway.

And so we decided to turn back and rewind the exodus to start again only at 4pm later. Hope the traffic clears or it might actually turn a 3 hour journey into a 6 hour journey. Not happening.

It's Chinese New Year!

No, actually not all that excited. In case you're wondering what happened to my Las Vegas trip, it was cancelled. Am I disappointed, just a little because everyone got so excited about the plans after the conference and was looking to have a good time with my colleagues. But not that disappointed because taking two weeks away from work can mean a helluva time when we come back. Even now I'm barely coping, I shudder to think what would happen if I disappeared for two weeks.

And the main reason why I'm not excited yet about Chinese New Year is because I'm just waaaay too tired to even think about it. But I shall refrain from talking about work too much. I'm already way too preoccupied with it. But actually, because I spend too much time with it, I really have nothing else to say except about it!

I was sitting with one of my account managers discussing with him on the accounts and my mom called. She was bugging me about meeting them for dinner and proceeded to unleash her reknown nagging skills until I could only beg her to let me go for dinner with them. Heheh.

The bomb threat

But shortly after reaching the restaurant with my family, I got a call from my colleague telling me to leave the office. He thought I was still in the office, and apparently, there were a number of police cars that zoomed to the site and ordered everyone to leave (my manager later called to check where I was and told me he had never seen everyone pack and disappear so quickly before). Apparently there was a bomb threat so they evacuated everyone from the building. We reckon it was probably a disparaged ex-employee that wanted to get a bit of revenge back. Or maybe it was our arch nemesis HPee giving us a grand welcome to the new lunar year.

Listen to mommy!

At any rate, I was a little disappointed. I had to miss all the excitement! But I learnt a few lessons, the golden rule I time and time again forget to learn, keep my notebook with me constantly. My poor notebook was the only one left alone in the whole building because my parents promised to let me go back to work after dinner. The second lesson, listen to my mom! If there was really a bomb that went off, my mom probably saved my life with her nagging!

Stupid.

It's a Saturday and I still have to work.

Stupid.

I hate this.

There are idiots, and then there are idiots. Guess which one I am.

I find that in the presence of my other seniors in the company, I tend to be shy, not speaking out much and I always defer to their opinions and in front of customers, I hardly speak. Just smile and nod and laugh politely when a joke is being made.

But then, I am, after all, rather fresh. So being humble and uncertain isn't inappropriate.

And I sense that from the way people are looking at me and the things that they say about me, thir perception of me is that I am raw and untested. Interestingly, quite a number of them are rather protective towards me. In fact, very protective! It feels rather novel, having them protecting me. My first manager, who will always be the best in my heart, had the tendency of dunking my poor head into the salty sea water although always making sure she would take it out the moment the sharks came too close.

At the moment, I feel like the people around me are still trying to keep me in the swimming pool.

I felt very delighted though, when someone suggested I meet this specific customer who seemed to be well known for his miang-ness (horny-ness), but the account manager immediately shook his head even though prior to that he was joking about how another female colleague was being at the mercy of this same customer. I quite liked the feeling of being protected.

... so much thoughts. This will definitely be an interesting year for me.

Before I left the company prior to my current one, my manager then had a chat with me before I left. We talked about a number of things and among them he delicately broached on was about how as a single and attractive female, I should be wary of certain men who might not hesitate in using such a situation to their advantage.

I wasn't naive of course, seeing things only through pretty stain glass. But in the last three weeks, I think I fully understand what he was alluding to. I've never met so many miang (horny) men at such a short period of time before! They're still pretty well behaved in general and I can only think that the years of practising my fierce scowl and stand offish attitude will hopefully keep them that way.

I've had people calling me darling, saying things like now why haven't I seen your pretty face around before... you can always sit here *patting lap*... after helping you, you must remember me, you know... and whispering in my ear you look pretty with your hair tied up like that... Most of them married men!

And in the past three weeks I find I've been putting to practise the different facets of my personality more than before in the last two years. I've been fierce, stand offish, quiet, blur, innocent, girlish, sharp, tired, nutty before different people in order to manage the situations.

But it's actually been really fun, because for the first time I feel like I'm truly in a people business! And actually, the miang men are in truth the minority. A lot of the other people I meet are a rather decent lot.

I met one of the senior managers who has always seemed to have a soft spot for me (and all the other pretty Chinese girls for that matter) in the lift last week and as we spoke briefly, he looked appraisingly at me and the words, "You sudah berisi ah" (you've filled out), escaped his mouth. I was speechless and when I still had the stunned look on my face when I stepped out of the lift and turned to him who was still inside, he finally realised what he just said and quickly added, "I didn't mean that in a bad way!!"

And as the doors of the lift closed, he called out over the people standing in front of him and said, "We'll talk about this later!!!"

Yup, definitely meet a lot of different people in my company.

Last year I had such a struggle with my 2005 new year's resolution, which was to read more books. I would pick up a book but if the author's style of writing was not inclined to thrill and entertain its readers, it would take me ages to finish it.

This year for 2006, I made the same new year's resolution but reading has now been less a struggle and more of a hunger for books. I am also thrilled to tell that one of my new year's resolutions that has been repeated for about 5 years running has changed this year. No longer do I keep the same resolution of 'Must Lose Weight' written in strong, bold handwriting, I now find myself writing in a more sedate yet firm handwriting, 'To Have a More Healthy Lifestyle and To Exercise More Regularly' (unfortunately it looks like I need a year of struggling before this regular exercising gets into my system).

Haha... after dragging Yvonne to watch Pride and Prejudice with me (which is all time favourite for me and Gurjeet), she came out of the cinema and asked me to lend her my copy of the Pride and Prejudice book (and she is notoriously known to her close friends as one who does not read books).

An English friend once complained about having to read Jane Austen's books when he did his degree in English, because he (vehemently) declared that no matter how extolled Jane Austen's works are, it was still, in her time, chic books.

At any rate, Pride and Prejudice remains a classic, and Mr Darcy will always be the ultimate dream.

Dreamy sigh...

I was told during my training during my sales training to be 'more generous with my smiles'. Putting those wise words into practice with Gurjeet:


Me : Guju, they say I should smile more. But I find it hard to smile when I'm trying to concentrate on something. It feels very unnatural.

Guju : Try to smile and see.

Me : *Trying to smile as I pretend to concentrate*

Guju : *Breaks out in loud laughter* You look like you're constipated!!!

Me : *Frowns* Dowan to smile anymore lah.

I had a long chat with one of my closest friend from the office, JY, in office last Monday. The one thing I enjoy about our friendship is that we can be honest with one another, without the fear of being judged or offended.

I don't know how we got into it, but she commented that I had a very chuen (arrogant) look. Heh... I could only grin and answer, I know!!

Nothing new there. I was distinctly aware I had that look long since I was in primary school, constantly reminded by my closest buddies from university (since most of them seemed to not like me initially because of my chuen look... but hah! They all love me now :P), have my chuen buddy in Ee Von, and got scolded a couple of times by Gurjeet for it and of course had a couple of dozen comments coming to me about it.

I'm so misjudged sometimes. All I am is shy... really!

Hmm... I seem to hear some disbelieving snorts. It's just that I never really seem to know what to say meeting strangers for the first time. Hmm... ok, no, I still hear those snorts. How about, I don't have the same energy to get-to-know strangers as I did when I was an exuberant teenager?

Ok ok... I think it had a lot to do with the saying, once bitten twice shy. I guess I do remember getting to know a lot of great people who have had special spots in my heart when I made the effort to get to know them. But I also remember a lot of people who were quite cold to my efforts and made me feel such a fool for caring. I think my capacity to open my heart to people capped when I started working as well.

I am a strong choleric when it comes to working, and when I work, I focus entirely on my work. Relationships at that point becomes secondary and I only focus on getting the work done. And it seems that only cholerics understand cholerics! I got so tired with people telling me to smile more (like how do you smile at your work when your manager is barking at you to increase your numbers?!? I don't smile when I'm trying to sort my documents out, I would look crazy ok!!) and my focus on my own work and performance got people accusing me of being too arrogant to associate with them.

*Eyes rolling*

Sheesh... the sheer amount of 'work PR' necessary to keep other people happy with me was exhausting. I learnt from my first job, if you don't want people to stab at you, don't give them the space or target to. So I withdrew and kept to only minimum friends who I knew were sincere in their friendship. And I guess from there, I just became distant and unwilling to let anyone from work to enter into my life beyond the office. People have commented at me being very quiet and even having an invisible wall barring people from me. I've found it more simple keeping professional and personal life separated.

But of course, a few special people managed to find side gates to slip in. And my conversation with JY on my cool exterior was a check and balance for me. It occurred to me for the first time that I was slipping to the other extreme with my coolness, and when I took a step back to look at myself, I did seem very chuen.

The same evening after my talk with JY, another colleague MH offered me a lift to a farewell party for one of our colleagues and he asked me whether I was usually that quiet in office. Then during the farewell party, which was a karaoke session, one of the colleagues who was there suddenly declared that the next song was my song, and to my surprise, it was 'Uptown Girl'.

It startled me to think that that was her perception of me, since my perception of myself is one of a klutz and a person who says the wrong things at the wrong time and does the wrong things at the wrong time. Three incidents with three different people reminding me of the coolness of my exterior is a little too much of coincidence, don't you think?

Ok, Lord, I get the hint. I'll try to be nicer!

Last Saturday afternoon, I took my first visit to Ikea with Ee Von and below is her account of our adventure at Ikea:


I was half dying of starvation before I got a call from Ee Wei who finally decides to drag her lazy ass out of bed in the afternoon. We went shopping and picked up this yellow shopping bag at a place that had many yellow shopping bags. It showed Ee Wei and I a great many things. It took us here and there, through obstacle courses of shelves and cupboards, cabinets and drawers, tables and chairs, round and round, we followed the arrow, in and out, up and down to things that made us coo with delight or frown with disgust or tried very hard to resist from. Such as these towering tentacles of totally useless colorful round cardboard containers:




The yellow bag had great powers that drew me to colorful things like how the scent of shit would draw a fly to it. The yellow bag was evil and I had to tear my gaze away from the hypnotic power of these circular and colorful useless entities, and almost amputate my right arm that was slowly reaching for one of those, but eventually I managed to turn away from them only to face a sickeningly adorable pink stool.




And here is the first signs of Ee Wei's waning resitance towards the unknowing powers of said yellow bag. She made herself comfortable and thought the pink of the stool would light her room up a little. And match the pink pillow she was sure to get. Again, it was the works of the evil yellow bag. And her pink flip flops which she already owns. I was proud when she stood up and walked away from it. The pinkness of it all was hard to resist but she managed. This yellow bag was a great deceiver [See it slyly hiding behind my poor unsuspecting friend].



So it continued to lead us to walked around some more. At that time, we were still unaware of the clever manipulation of the yellow bag. Eventually, it led us to stumble upon what I called "Aww" Cuteness #258032687 of the day. This mini trolley:



Ee Wei did what she did best - pose. I'm glad these things are not for sale. 'Nuff said. The yellow bag will tempt, but it will not temper with our wills. Or so we thought. The mini trolley was barely 20 feet away from the pink stool. I soon found Ee Wei backtracking as if hypnotized, back to where the pink stool was. Her reason to stuffing it into the yellow shopping bag? "I need it for my XBox". Read: The yellow bag won and I can no longer fight it.

And we walked some more. We passed great aisles of great things and Ee Wei was strangely enthralled by something I couldn't tell what. But the yellow bag realized it's limitations and so Ee Wei was left with a strange crick in her neck before she snapped out of it and we walked on. All the time Ee Wei was helpless to the powers of the yellow bag, I was strangely unaffected for the most part. I'd like to think it was my surrender of the yellow bag's silent co-conspirator, my credit cards, that has given me greater powers to resist it's lure.



But then suddenly...we were distracted by a force greater than the yellow bag. It was the power of all cuteness combined. We saw a mini human being driving one of those cute mini trolleys, zipping in and out between big human beings. As if we were sucked out of one world to another, we were mesmerized by the cuteness of this mini human being and his attempts to reach the check out counters.



Alas...the power of the yellow shopping bag was stronger still. It became hungry and it's wrath towards our momentarily ignorance of it was channeled to lure Ee Wei to a great many things she didn't need. In the end...her will power was weak and she gave in when she stuffed into the bag something to satisfy it's hunger.





And so...with that last item. The yellow bag's demands were forever silenced.

Until the next time it strikes again of course. But from now till then...Ee Wei will be free from it's clutches to enjoy her yellow bag instigated spoils.

Oh, my poor friend.


Copyright of eevonchung

I woke up like really early today to get into the office, waaay before the sun rose. But so glad I did because I managed to finish a quotation just in time for one of the account manager to step into a customer meeting and present to him the stuff. Phew.

But even more grateful, how I can experience God in the small ways at work today. I received an email from a colleague that sounded very condescending. Condescending people are just about the most irritating type of people you can meet, at least for me. And I felt annoyed that it was because another colleague had sent him some stuff, which to me was between the two of us and if she had any issues, trash it out with me.

I was soooo tempted to shoot off a sharp and sarcastic reply (in my usual, brash and abrasive manner, which I'm often guilty of), but managed to stop myself halfway composing as I tried to think through whether God would want me to do so or not. And I had to think why was I even bothered, and it was really out of pride, from having anyone question me, rather than any good reason for me to reply and so I let it slide. That's growth for you, or rather, me, baby.

How did I experience God in that?

Sure I did. I saw how the very thought of Him stopped me and made me do a U-turn from my years of ingrained habit. I saw how my desire for His approval caused me to allow people who didn't have the right to have a condescending attitude towards me go with their attitudes unchecked (when I really would have preferred to bonk him on his head to teach him of the consequences of such actions).

Yes, I do have a temper. If you haven't experienced it yet, how very fortunate of you (I still can't get over the fact that there have been people who were so convinced I was an innocent and sweet person!).

Speaking of which, there are a group of people in my company that I simply cannot get along with for the oddest of reasons. They are one of the nicest people around, pleasant and treat people with a lot of respect. And for some reason, I feel absolutely evil around them!

It just occurred to me today that that was the reason why I could never feel comfortable around them. And I realised, it was because they think I come off too strongly, that I could do with a little more tact and they had even admitted they first thought I was not a team player, which they said only because they acknowledged that their perception may not have been completely accurate. And I felt uncomfortable, because these 'nicest people around', 'pleasant' and 'respectful' people judged me from the start and continue to judge me! (I didn't say everyone thinks I'm sweet and innocent. I'm just amazed that there are any who do at all)

No, I'm not trying to justify myself nor am I trying to put them down. It's just that I had always thought it was the more 'temperamental' or the more opinionated minded type of people would be more quick to judge than even-tempered, 'nice' people. And it's really more of food for thought for me, that sins come in all types of packages.

Once again, I am thankful, because even in such a situation I can experience more of God.

I am half-tempted to react and say to these people in my minds, "See, you think yourself as righteous, but God is far more pleased with me than you!". But the Holy Spirit reminds me of the wrongness of it, and that I should 'continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose' Philippians 2:12-13.

A reminder that it isn't really about me or about them.

Arrgghh!!! Something is wrong!! I can't connect to my company's intranet from home!!! I CAN'T WORK!!!

This is the last time I'll listen to the people who convinced me to forget about work and join them for drinks after wasting a whole day at a conference when I could have gone back to the office to finish up on my work. I thought I could come home and catch up on work and because of I-don't-know-what, I can't I can't I can't!!! I am so tempted to head back to the office and I would, if:


1. I wasn't so concerned about my safety (the place is really dodgy at night)

2. The office is well known for spooky things happening at night

3. I'm getting old lerr... can't pull all-nighters anymore and I still need energy for another day of hectic workload

4. I'm not that crazy!


And instead, I'll just have to pop into the office like really early in the morning since a few people have told me I have to give them what they want latest tomorrow morning.

A conversation I had once with my colleague:

Me : So how does it feel, being something like a God (notice the capital G) since everyone is so dependent on you in their work?

CY : It feels exactly like being a Dog (notice the capital D).

Think we folks in the big blue multi-national are well off people, with good job and good pay? Think again.

First day at work, reached home at 11.45pm.

Second day at work, reached home at 10.30pm.

This is really testing the limits of my workaholism. I'm exhausted. What, only 361 more days till the year ends?!?

Is it 2006 already?!? What happened to 2003?!?

Seriously, time moves far too quickly after a person hits 21 years of age. Wish I could have been 21 a lot of longer than I remember it. Oh well.

Had a good start to the new year... kicking it off with my best friend of ten years, and then having the privilege of witnessing Yvonne's baptism just as I was privileged to be part of the start of her journey with Christ, stuffing myself with much food, drinks and laughter with people from the i-Bridge ministry and then ending the first day of the year with the companionship of the girls from Newcastle days (and a distinguished guest who accompanied us).

And what a great start to the second day of the year. Woke up in the afternoon and got a business call that got me back at work already. Oh well, to the new year!