Some months back we had a church leader's meeting which the Pastor set for 4 hours straight, and that's considered short for him.
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If we complain he'll go on about how people in the rural areas are so starved to learn about God they would walk in the jungle for 2 hours to get to where the teaching is being held.
Unfortunately with the lifestyle in Singapore, every one of us are always tired out, drained or sick when we meet. And it always feels like he has to flog us donkeys to get moving most times.
The Pastor likes to talk. He also likes to repeat himself.
At one point the mood was quite sombre as he was repeating something serious which we were all very quietly soaking in without the usual jokes.
When all of a sudden...
Me: Eh Kat, I still keep getting diarrhea larh...
Kat: Oooh yarh, you look like you lost weight too...
YinYin: Eh me leh me leh?? Have I lost weight?!? *Immediately poking her head towards me and Kat*
Pastor: *Blink* *Blink* ... OI!!!!! CAN YOU ALL PAY ATTENTION PLEASE?!?!?!
Yeaaaa... our Pastor has his work cut out for him.
Things suck right now. Blah.
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The first quarter of the year has been such a nightmare for me.
N i g h t m a r e.
Returning to the present company filled me with dread as it was a time of desert for me 5 years ago in the same company in Malaysia. I did not want to re-enter it again.
When the struggles began to grow stronger early this year, Marianne, the loveliest soul I've the privilege to call friend, insightfully pointed out that Jesus Himself faced two great points of struggle - in the desert before He began His ministry and in the garden of Gethsemane, before His crucifixion.
And there it was. Malaysia was my desert, Singapore was my Gethsemane.
It wasn't just me though. I am amazed at how those "marked" by God, people who I sense has special callings in their lives, also faced tremendous struggles in the first quarter of the year. Be it in Singapore, Malaysia or the UK - they all echoed that these
prophecies seemed unsettling true.
But, the
morning did come and am still in the midst of watching the dawn slowly stretch out in front of me. I am surprised at how odd this feeling of calm and joy is; almost as if it had been missing for a long time.
There is a sense of tiredness. I've learnt much about the makeup of my person in the last few months and there has been some letting go of it.
So much stretches before me and it makes me wonder. The possibilities of the future shifts and dances like a dream does.
I see the things the one who discipled me sees more and more and it at times makes me feel like shrinking back. It is a view that is at the same time scarily vast, all too fluid, richly soaked with fellowship and yet, very alone.