Journey mercies

I am feeling very very worn out today. At first I thought maybe the last two and a half weeks of push at work was the reason why my batteries felt like it was dying down. Then I remembered that this morning, I experienced a sleep paralysis about 4am.

I get this occasionally since I was a teenager. Most times it only feels like a weight pinning me down and keeps me from moving or speaking. Most times I accept that it's a normal thing that could occur if I'm too tired or stressed. Not all the time though.

This morning's incident threw me in a slightly more frenzied mode because it felt like arms with sharp claws were holding my arms down and I woke up looking at them half-fearing I would see scratches all over it. There was nothing. Thank God.

Last week, Ash sent out a group email about a Saturday night gathering of which I was cooking. He included a joke we shared about how good a masseuse I am. Not wanting to let a good joke lie, I added onto the email about how I am so good I've had two marriage proposals just for my hands already (it's true!).

The email replies soon started to come in, with two of the guys saying that since they aren't ready to be married yet, they decided it was best they weren't around so they wouldn't be tempted to throw in their own proposals.

After the dinner came and went, Ash sent another mail to everyone saying that the email address of "Martin's" that included in the trail turned out not to be the Martin from church, but was in fact, another guy who is the Head of Christ-in-Action of Europe, a inter-denomination Christian organisation.

Someone brought this up during lunch after church yesterday, and we all had a good laugh about it. I could feel my face flaring brightly as we laughed because it struck me that I was blatantly tossing my proud claims of how good a masseuse I was in front of a Christian leader, and goodness knows what he must imagine I must be like!

I was re-reading the email trail and I was so glad to see my last mail to everyone where I wrote:


"Okok... I get the point... no one wants to marry me!

If any of you take anything from this trail of email... please bear in mind that Saturday nite is just a time of fellowship over a meal and not to see who I can convince to propose to me!"


At least one redeeming email of my reputation!!!

Yesterday I went to St Albans to visit my aunt, and also spent a bit of time playing my two nephews as their parents left them in the care of their grandmother for the afternoon.

When I first got here, the two of them were quite shy around me, especially the younger of the two. But now both of them are comfortable around me, so that's nice. The nice thing about having a relative's house to go to, is the good food you get to eat since they more often than not can cook by far and large better than me (which is not very hard).

Unabashed, I also asked if I could pack the food my aunt cooked back to my flat. I think it's safe to say, Chinese people are pleased when people like the food they cook, and I also like to eat food that isn't cooked by me, so it works out pretty well that way!

The weather yesterday was miserable though, so by the time I got back to my flat, I was quite flat out. Slept for an hour and then it was time for me to go to a Korean church member's place for dinner. I was tired enough to be tempted to bail out and spend the time resting, but the thought of eating kim chi and knowing how he would appreciate having people over his place made me go without dragging my feet (too much).

And boy, was I glad I went. The food was gooooood... the kim chi was so good that I once again was unabashed for taking some of it back. Actually I was abashed this time, but JeongSoo, the Korean chap, seemed to be more happy about me taking it back with me, than I was about it myself.

I've settled down so easily where I am, and in the church I'm going to, I've had little trouble finding each day packed, and my weekends filled with activity. But I'm conscious that not everyone finds it as easy as I do to adjust to new surroundings, especially if English is not their first language. So spending Saturday night with JeongSoo and Irene was good because Chris, who is English, and I stepped into their territory for once, rather than making them do all the work each time they are among English speaking people.

We tried to learn some phrases in Korean, looked around blankly when they exchanged quick, fluid conversations in Korean, and got to know a bit more of Korean mentality, history and culture.

I find this a little amusing, that though I am a foreigner in this country, it feels like I need to learn to be sensitive and be emphatic to other foreigners!

Got an email from Bro Ong today with his regular updates, and I was struck by the part where we should be praying for people to fall in love with Jesus more and more, rather than the riches and wealth of this world that the prosperity preachers are peddling. That there are a lot of people who seem to want


the blessings more than the Blesser,
the healings more than the Healer,
the deliverances more than the Deliverer,
the intellectual knowledge of the Bible more than the Author of the Bible,
the music about worship more than the One that should be worshipped forevermore.


That struck a chord with me because last week a few of us from church was looking at the book of Romans, and this is what Romans 1:18-25 has to say about sin:

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.


That though at first read, the passage seems to be directed at non-believers, even those who call themselves Christians can fall into that same trap (highlighted) if we're not careful, and that isa humbling reminder.

What struck all of us in the Bible study last week was also how we sin when we "though we know God, we neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him" we sin. And we ended the time aptly and humbly first by sharing what were the things we had to give thanks and glory to God for in our lives, then by going through a round of prayer for one another.

No wonder Paul said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

I'm suffering from a huge bruise on my left knee.

This is due to a 4 year old Korean boy from church, MinhHeong. He and his sister are both real darlings, but both can be very shy because of the different language and cultures. But because they're both so young, don't have too big a problem adjusting, just generally quite shy.

It took me 2 months worth of making faces at them when I'm sitting behind them during Sunday service for them to warm up to me. They always give me a shy apprehensive look before looking away. But as they got more and more used to me, they started breaking out in huge cheeky grins.

The only problem I have now is controlling them, because who knew that these two won-soong-yee (monkey in Korean), whose parents are the most gentle and demure people around, when pried from their shyness, would turn out to be the most cheekiest, hyperactive kids?

Yesterday, while I was talking to someone, MinhHeong grabbed my hands and jerked them strongly to make me spin him around, catching me off guard and causing both of us to fall and I landed on my left knee quite strongly though we both ended up giggling.

Apparently, they only go crazy around me. The sister goes on terrorising-mode when she gets started with me, so I try not to encourage her too much when I'm tired. But most of the time, one of their parents usually have to step in to tell them to stop bullying me. But they are really adorable. Must remember to take a picture of them when I get my camera back from my aunt's.

Here's a funny story!

A couple of months ago, one of my colleagues for some reason started calling me Dave. It just happened.

Then another colleague followed suit.

And then for some reason, everybody has started calling me Dave.

Including the lady in the canteen.

Now it's fixed. I'm going to be called Dave for the rest of my life in my current company. I'm going to start picking up the phone and introducing myself as Dave. That'll be a conversation starter.

I have another new New Year's Resolution: attack life.

Last night I was at my church's homegroup and I was chatting with an Estonian girl. I told her how I didn't fancy hockey because it felt so dangerous and scary, with people running around with sticks. I don't mind crashing on the ground and slamming myself against bodies while I'm playing volleyball or captainball, but I don't highly fancy a stick ramming into any part of my body.

And her trick was in playing hockey: attack the people first to scare them from coming near you.

Right...

But then, this morning, as I yet again found myself pensively listening into my colleagues' discussion, trying to learn and absorb, I was hit with a sudden impatience.

I think I'm done with being fearful of the uncertainties of life. I think it's time to grab life by its horns and attack it.

I've actually had a lighter heart since focusing my thoughts on Philippians 4:6-8. I think that I'm actually getting my brasher self back. :)

I've just thought of a new New Year's Resolution. To be more positive in my outlook. In a more Christian way of putting it:




It has been brought to my attention that I may be somewhat... low spirited in my attitude. Not just work, but towards life as well. Somewhere along the line, I grew fearful and pessimistic about life, and that in many ways, translates to people as well.

After 10 days of Christmas break, it feels horrible to be back at work today. Spent new year's eve having dinner with a few people from church, and after that went to All Soul's Church for the watch night service, and then two hours in the car trying to get back from Central London. That will be the first and last time I celebrate new year's in Central London.

Weather has been quite mild during Christmas actually, between 4-11 degrees. But read the paper this morning that the weather is expected to dip due to winds from Siberia, and could possibly go down to -8 degrees.

O_0

The one thing I'm glad for, despite the many small problems we've had in my flat, one thing we can't deny is that it is nice and warm. So warm in fact I had to take off my jumper and still woke up feeling suffocatingly warm this morning.

But yeah, I'm not a fan of the English weather, and that's probably about the biggest gripe I have. I can't wait for summer and see the sun again.

Oh yes, and it's the new year now isn't it? Whoop ee. Yes, note the over-enthusiasm. Watch out. Don't get bowled over by it.

Since I got asked a few times, here's my new year's resolution:

1. Build on mental discipline, ie if I have to wake up, wake up, and not hit the snooze 10 times before I roll out of bed groaning

2. Read more books and the Bible more regularly

3. Develop my painting hobby

4. Exercise regularly

Except for Resolution #3, all the rest are repetitive actually.