Journey mercies

The weather has been horrendous!

It has been hot hot hot this weekend, especially since I don't have the office air-conditioning to hide in! It's almost reminiscent of Taiping weather, which means it's bad.

Well, it might not be as bad as that, but in comparison to the winter weather, I'm definitely suffocating in this hot spell. Yes, I will never ever whine about cold weather anymore. Yes, I do have serious doubts about how I am now to survive in Malaysian weather.

Yesterday afternoon, a few of us were supposed to help a friend pack as he is moving away. Three guys moving about in a small room was enough, and I was told that the best way to help is to sit in a corner and entertain them so I did. The heavy breakfast and hot weather soon got me dozing while the rest of the guys packed and as my consciousness lay between a state of wakefulness and sleep, memories swam about in my head. And most of the memories were surprisingly of Taiping, especially of the time spent in my mother's side of the family.

The sound of the guys talking and moving about and the smell in the air reminded me of that, for some unknown reason.

And yes, I did entertain them by sleeping.

Yay, a colleague just passed me a couple of DVDs. Now, to find time to sit down and watch them.

I had the best meal ever since arriving London on Tuesday night. TzuAnne cooked a fantastic Malaysian Chinese meal, which I well and truly enjoyed. Maybe it is a good thing I don't cook well, it helps me to appreciate good food sooooo much more.

By 11.45am yesterday, I suddenly became extremely hungry, as in dizzy kind of hungry. And I dashed to heat up the leftover food from the dinner. I kept saying I was so hungry that my work buddy, MW, a much older (she has a daughter older than me) but very extroverted and comical English lady, started getting hungry as well.

When I came back to my desk with the lovely leftover of rice, curry chicken, scrambled eggs and vege, which smelled really really good, MW looked at me with salad in her mouth with a how-dare-you-you-spawn-of-hell facial expression.

What? Don't blame me for you being on a diet.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a chat with Shanx2 in the Coach House, and she made a remark that she didn't think I was the kind who could sit still at home.

It was the first time anyone had said that to me, and in my family, it is always said that my brother and my paternal grandfather has that restless symptom and never really me. In fact, I always thought I was more the homebody type.

But Shanx2 could not be convinced of that in the least. And when I thought about it, I realised that I have become quite restless since coming to the UK. I think it's because I have a better work life balance, and I'm no longer constantly worn out, which was the case in Malaysia, which kept me staying at home whenever I could. In fact, I get very restless and dejected when I have no plans on Saturday night, and there are days when I get very lifeless because of the lack of interaction with people.

Last weekend we had BBQ on Saturday and Sunday in the church garden, which kept the church flat pretty busy throughout the two days. And TzuAnne has offered to cook dinner tomorrow night and I extended the invitation to my neighbours in Coach House and 52. And Shanx2 was asking me earlier where I find the energy to do so much! To be fair, I'm not planning to do much tomorrow night, since TzuAnne's the one cooking, and I invited the rest so they will help clean up (hehe... it's all about strategy!).

But honestly, I'm slowly beginning to learn the trick, the only way to get more energy to do more things, is to keep doing things and not let the body rest too much and grow lethargic. That's a real turnabout for me, who once claimed that I can never do without my 10 hour sleep!

Mr and Mrs Wong spent a night at my place last night, the last stop of their honeymoon before they head back to Malaysia tonight.

Went to pick them up from the closest tube station, and was waving at them when I thought they saw me, but they looked on blankly. And in my head I went, "Oh no, my two blur sotongs..."

It was only when we were taking a picture together in my kitchen did I realise Tricia is my first good friend to visit me in UK! We spent a bit of time catching up. The other thing that made me happy besides catching up with a good friend is...

She told me I looked the same and didn't look I put on weight! :D

I woke up from my afternoon nap in time for evening service feeling groggy and slightly disoriented. Went in to the church and other than having TzuAnne who's visiting for a week, was like any normal Sunday evening service.

Until Shelly*, an 11 year old from the neighbourhood, appeared and made her way to sit next to me.

Some context to the 'neighbourhood kids' - these are kids who are not that well off, and if not materially, emotionally and some to a degree, mentally but certainly spiritually. These are kids who have to learn to be street smart at a very young age, and some of the kids certainly don't have the kind of love and attention rich middle-class parents give their children.

Shelly is particularly attached to me, though I suspect more because she realises I'm her passport into all the attention she can get from adults rather than purely affection for my person. Now 7 year old Betty is a different story.

Anyway, for a while, we've been encouraging the kids to come to church, which makes it easier for us, because we don't have to set aside too much time to spend time with them in the field right across church where most of the neighbourhood kids play. But most of the times, they only come after the service for the chocolate biscuits.

So to see Shelley join the service was very exciting. But even more exciting was when I saw a 13 year old boy, Steven, follow after her.

Now Steven is a different story! He is extreeemely excitable, and his father we suspect is a drunkard, while his mother we suspect could be a drug addict. Nevertheless, the influences in his life is so extremely negative but yet no matter how annoyingly unruly he can get, Steven has a special soft spot in everyone's heart because you can really see his heart peeking through all the negative influences he has. He's calmed down a lot, particularly without his closer friends around so it takes away his need to show off, and inappropriate behavior and words have earned him some rebukes and also because the older guys have shown him that he is accepted by them, without him needing to impress them.

Nobody would have thought he would walk into the church service, but I immediately called AC and only said, "Steven is here!" and that got him rushing to church.

A part of me looked around the faces of the people in church and wondered why no one thought it was tremendous that these two kids were sitting with me. But I guess no one really knows the kids as well as a few of us who try to be as involved with them as possible. Or the fact that for a number of these kids, their lives is slowly but surely being changed in ways not any one of us can understand or anticipate through the small interactions they are making with the church. And if all our efforts help keep one of these kids from believing that they have no choice to turn away from bad decisions, or that if one of them comes to know the joy of salvation found from the cross, then it is far more tremendous than we can ever hope for.



*All names of neighbourhood kids are changed

It's close to a year of me being in the UK, which is ridiculous how fast time flies by these days. I was just thinking the other night how weird it would be to celebrate my 30th birthday, and then 40th, and 50th, etc.

A few of us were talking some weeks back, how one girl said though she was 28 years old, she still felt like an 18 year old. Though I'm 26, I'm still fixed at 21 in my head, and a guy said that though 27, he still thinks himself a 16 year old, so he's technically the youngest among the three of us.

It's not yet a year, but if I don't get these thoughts out now, I might never get the chance to sit down and write them.

Some of the highlights of the year has been:

1. Seeing the Lord intricately involved in every step of the journey since I decided I would trust Him and follow Him into the unknown.

2. Experiencing the abundant blessings He has showered on me, materially, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

3. For all the more painful moments and for all the sufferings. Because sufferings allows perseverance. Perseverance produces character, and character, hope (Romans 3:3-5). And because it brings comfort.


Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7


Notice the verse which says "just as sufferings of Christ flow into our lives" being contrasted with "so also through Christ our comfort overflows". If any of us should desire for more peace and comfort, then allowing sufferings to come into our lives is the way to go!

4. Leading a Japanese girl to accept Jesus as her God.


In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Luke 15:10


5. Having my perspectives challenged, being able to step out of the Malaysian mentality, especially Malaysian Christian mentality, and have it all thrown out of the window, which gives me the opportunity to decide what I will think, act, react and what I will do from here onwards. I read about how the incumbent Malaysian party in power is ridiculously in denial and cannot understand the position of those in disagreement with them. If they do understand, do not have the strength of conviction to lift themselves out of the self-made quicksand they are in. But aren't all of us are in such a situation? We are all in self-made quicksands of our own thinking and opinions, and we all lack the strength of conviction to lift ourselves away out of it, the only difference is to what varying degree of thickness of mud.

6. Learning that good can be the enemy of best.

It's late, and though I have much thoughts behind all this, I've noticed lately that I'm utterly lazy when it comes to explaining or justifying myself. I'm beginning to learn that the less that one says, the less opportunity you give people to disagree with your point of view and the more easier life is.

My Helpless Duck's lady friend has just arrived to spend the next 10 days with him and when I saw her, I tell you... I fell in love!

It's one of those moments when an instant friendship happens. I couldn't help telling him in front of her, "You've done well!" I felt so proud of Ook at that moment for having such an amazingly pretty lady friend.

As we chatted and I washed my dishes, she carefully and very thoughtfully arranged a plate full of fruits that she got Ook to buy, which was incredibly sweet of her.

Then I noticed that both of them sat around the dining table, with an air of open invitation for me to sit down and chat with them. Ook had already told me a few days ago about how he had told her about me, and she was very excited to meet me and have a good chat, so I readily made coffee and the three of us sat and had a good chat.

Thinking about her now, I can't help but feel it's one of those very special friendships which could possibly last a lifetime.

Chris R and Paul H who both live in Coach House, was having a right go at me earlier. We were talking about how the neighbourhood kids are too comfortable with me because I'm too soft with them. Apparently, I have a problem of being firm with them that they are looking set to walk all over me.

On Saturday evening, when I disappeared somewhere, Shannon, one of the girls who is overly comfortable with me, went to Coach House to look for me. She likes coming to my house, but also because all the adults have quickly establish that none of the girls goes to either house, the Coach House or mine, without my presence. And Paul H had told her to give me some space.

Uh oh... the day another adult has to intervene on behalf of another adult is a telling sign. Time to put on my iron glove.

I was at the Coach House to return something I borrowed from them, but at the same time also asked Chris R if he had taken my Korean flatmate, Ook's number, because I forgot to get it. I wanted to text him to tell him that I've cooked some food for him.

o_O

Another uh-oh!

What does it say when you begin to become motherly to someone who's just 2 years younger than you!?

Chris R agreed that Ook is really one helpless duck and such a typical university student and he warned me not to get sucked into the trap of wanting to take care of him.

Paul H reckons that all it is is me happy being able to boss someone around.

The latter is probably all together too true! ;)

It took 4 months plus or so, lots of encouraging and arm twisting from AC, and despite the huge amount of doubts I battled with in the significance my presence had, I'm glad that I was 'forced' to be part of the youth work on Thursday and Saturday a few people from church are involved with.

Last Saturday, for the first time after months of just sitting and watching, I got myself pulled to play football. It was nice that the boys in the neighbourhood have learnt my name.
And I've also cemented myself with some of the girls that live in the neighbourhood and well, hopefully in the long run, will play some role in shaping their thoughts and attitudes in a positive way.

HOWEVER.

Living right across the field where all these kids play regularly and them being completely comfortable around me MEANS that they are also coming to look for me as much as possible. It's nice they now look forward to seeing me during the weekends as well, but sometimes, their boundless energy does wear me out quicker than anything else.

The girls love to come round my place because they get to nick biscuits and chocolates from me, but also to just be there. Something about girls and homes is sure to play a part as well though I haven't yet wrap my head around that.

The girls are a handful as it is, yesterday evening, I was at Coach House, which is right in front of church (while mine is hidden behind the church building), and I saw a group of boys coming into the driveway. I chuckled and told the guys at Coach House the boys are now going to look for them as the girls look for me, went outside only to realise, the boys were looking for me.


-_-


They wanted the balloons to continue the water balloon fight we had in the afternoon, and for some reason, someone knew that I was the source of the balloons. As it is I already have the younger girls coming every so often to ring my doorbell, now I have the boys too??

Thank God the doorbell doesn't work! And I'm not going to be getting anyone to fix it either!

I'm the de facto landlady with the Korean family back in Korea for a holiday, and I can't say I like it. I'm cleaning more often and more regularly than I ever have, because it is the church flat, and there's added sense of responsibility in more ways than one.

I've also had to manage some rather unpleasant business with the temporary boarders, which is never nice when it's people business. But thankfully, it was not as ugly as it could have potentially been.

The irony is that the troublesome boarders were the ones I agreed with KC in allowing to stay in the flat temporarily, and I was largely disagreeable on another boarder, but eventually gave in due to certain circumstances, and this boarder, Ook, turned out to be incredibly sweet.

The sweetest, most obliging young lad of 24, who is such an agreeable character that I am so glad I agreed to let him stay. And I was singing so much praises of him that a few of the older ladies who I had dinner with on Saturday night gave me a surprisingly coy look and asked if I had taken fancy with him.

All I have to say is that this is the first time when I've felt a strong big sisterly feeling towards a younger guy. I wouldn't allow him to help clean, and I nagged him constantly about eating too much instant noodles, gave him some of the food I cooked and when there were leftovers from the women's dinner on Saturday night, I packed the leftovers with him on my mind.

I even arranged for him to go out with the guys on Saturday night, because I knew he had no plans and that he was keen on making friends. I couldn't bring him to the women's dinner, so sent him off with the lads instead.

And this morning, he followed me to church, and I was glad after service he quickly went to the guys I introduced him last night to chat. A bunch of them eventually went out to the field across church to play football together. And because the weather was so nice, we decided to have a water fight with the neighbourhood kids. It was good fun throwing water balloons at each other and tackling one another to the ground and pour buckets of water at each other.

After the water fight, we had lunch at 52, finished in time for evening service. By the time evening service ended, Ook, who expressed his gratitude and happiness in me introducing him to so many new people and doing things he had never done in the last 5 months he had been in UK, said he needed to rest. He understood what I meant by weekdays being more relaxing for me than my weekends!

I had a conversation last night with AC on people's attitudes towards the learning of the Bible. He feels frustrated that Christians have a 'spoon-fed' attitude and that they weren't grappling enough with the richness of the Bible. Especially when Christians only talk about the 'feel-good' passages, but gloss over the more difficult to understand parts.

If you've read some previous postings or if you know me personally, I'm not one to accept what one person says and nod my head agreeing unquestioningly. I'm all for absorbing opinions, and though I can seem somewhat confrontational and argumentative, I don't do it to appear clever (I think...) but because that's how I find helps myself grapple with issues and ideas. Trash out all the differing thoughts and opinions and by doing that, hopefully I can decide on where my stand is.

Thanks to Bro O and his uncanny knack to build up stereotypical Christian understanding I was 'spoon-fed' in my earlier years as a Christian, and to throw questions and differing Bible passages to completely deconstruct the basis of my understanding.

All those hours of Bible study and conversations stripped down the insulated bubble of Christian understanding that was created by Sunday morning sermons, Bible studies led by theologically untrained laymen, added by unguided, emotional and limited self-understanding personal Bible studies.And what am I left with after 10 years of being a Christian?

A lesser platform of Bible knowledge, thank God!

That I can take refuge in Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 2:1-5 that it really isn't about me, of how much I know.

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

And being stripped of pride in what I know, I am given the opportunity to go about the business of rebuilding my biblical understanding.

AC's comments jogged my memory of how a couple of months ago, during homegroup's Bible study, when we were discussing the topic of predestination, I was challenged by something the Bible study leader, Kurt P was teaching. For the more initiated, it was on how because we are all dead in our sins, we cannot make any decisions pertaining our salvation in God, and it is God who makes us alive FIRST, that is, to be regenerated first, before faith can happen that leads down salvation.

My understanding was, doesn't faith comes first, before we are saved, and therefore, because we are saved, we are then made alive?

I'm slowly developing an understanding of this, but I must admit I'm still finding it difficult to wrap my head around it. Anyway, we spent an hour talking about that, and in the next week, still confused, I opened up the topic again. Kurt gave me an odd look and said, "Do you still disagree? I thought it was quite clear last week?"

I was quite surprised by his response. Did he honestly think I was going to take what he said in less than an hour and be unquestioning on his words, not challenging it, and absorb it to be the basis of my understanding of the God I serve?

To accept unquestioningly is nothing different from being brainwashed, is it?

No, I do not believe in my God because I have no capacity of thinking as much as some non-Christians have brainwashed themselves into believing.

No, I do not believe in my God because of feel-good factors. If anything, there is less a feel-good factor when one understands the cost and price involved when one chooses to lead their lives not by their standards, not by the world's standards but by God's standards.

A lesson I've learnt from the kids I live with and those in church - never eat biscuits or chocolates in front of them. They steal 'em.

They catch me eating a biscuit, ask very politely if they could have one, and usually the biscuit in my hand is my last one and I end up losing it.

Note to self: learn how to be more ruthless with kids.

I guess I am at the prime age where the topic of 'marriage' becomes hot. Though not adverse to being married (du-uh), I am also not one to be hung up over it. I feel a responsibility to fellow women to make the stand that we need to be content, with whatever situation we are in.

This topic has come up SO MANY TIMES this year, that it's no longer funny.

Ian G, who is an excellent preacher from my church up north preached a pretty good sermon on singlehood. And it was particularly good to hear it from him, who remained single for a great part of his adult life before being married, so he knows what he's talking about.

I enjoyed his introduction very much:




In my current church, there are plenty of young, single, good and God-fearing men and women. And it really is a wonder that so many of us aren't attached. What I appreciate more than anything is that so many of them put the seeking of God's glory and kingdom above seeking for a partner.

But this means we all get a lot of flack from the older, married couples (who got hitched rather early in their lives).

And with May and Mark's wedding, it feels as if their prayers for more weddings has increased by a notch. Some of the comments I got during the wedding:


"If you look at it this way, everyone's happy to contribute to a wedding right now which reduces the cost of having one. But after a while, when more and more weddings start to happen, everyone's going to get tired out from helping. So you have the economic reasons of having one now." Paul M


"This is ridiculous, we have so many single people at church. You know what we need? We need the gift of match-making!" David B


"We just want you to be happy that's why we want you to be married..." David B


And in response to that statement, the golden statement of all...


"Actually, we just want you to go through some of the suffering we've gone through." Janet S

Last Saturday was forecasted to have heavy showers, and it started out darker and cloudier than the rest of the week but thankfully, when Mark and May's wedding was due to start, the sun shone brilliantly!


I'm one who is hugely against an over-commercialised wedding intended to show off one's status in society and affluence. I remember going to my cousin's wedding in Singapore, and everyone was helping arranging the flowers. When they were done, I took a look at all the flower arrangements and in my head went, "Dang, but the flower arrangement is rubbish!"


But what struck me at that moment was, it wasn't as beautiful as a professional florist work, but it was all incredibly beautiful because all my cousin's friends and family was happily involved in the wedding together.


And that was when I decided, if I ever get married, I want my wedding to be an amalgamated effort of everyone that is important to me and the groom.

May and Mark's wedding was exactly that!

I've just come to realise why I try to avoid cleaning most of the time. I'm a perfectionist, and when I get into the thick of cleaning, I need to do EVERYTHING.

Kicheol and family have gone back to Korea for the summer, and the flat has blessedly been cleaner than it ever has been. Gone are the incessant array of wet dishes sitting beside the sink. No more toys and children books lying on the floor and couch. The odd bits of clothes on the heater, clothes basket, carelessly thrown shoes, all KEPT.

I never knew what a headache the mess caused until they were all gone.

Of course, funny bit is, I'm not the neatest person around. My room is constantly a mess, and I'm oblivious to it most of the time. But when it comes to the living room and kitchen, my tolerance level dips tremendously. Must be because my mom keeps everything neat and tidy so inadvertently, I need my lounge and kitchen to be clean as well.

This is the first weekend without the family, and I've been on an unusual mission in cleaning up and making the flat how I want it to be. There are a few temporary boarders during the period the Korean family is away, and as I was stomping across the house cleaning up, I suddenly appeared in the lounge and proceeded to clean the table to which one of the boarders said meekly, "The table looks fine to me?"

At which I unintentionally gave a hard gaze that I get when I'm hell-bent on finishing a task, "No. It is not actually."

In many ways, I'm glad all the temporary boarders appear to be rather gentle people (all Koreans), and that I'm appear to have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I rather have them be wary of annoying me by messing the house up just because they are temporary boarders.

I almost pity the family when they come back, because by that time, I probably will be so happy to have had things my way for 2 months that I'll persuade the gentle Koreans to do things my way.

This incredibly poignant poem was written by Ee Von.




Would you really do it all over again?

I don't think I could.

I don't think I would.

Girls, in your prayers, remember to be specific.

Important tip from a happily married woman from church, Carla, she says by all means tell God your desires. She listed out all her desires for a man, that he should love to cook and be willing to help out with household chores among those desires.

But most importantly, do not pray for a husband.

Do Not Pray For A Husband.

Pray for a man to be your husband.

If you ask for a husband, God will not answer your prayer because you're asking for a married man. But pray for a man who will become for your husband.

Heh... she cracked me and another girl up with that.

This is wakeboarding. A LOT tougher, because you have to make sure your feet is angled the right way, which the weight of the board in the water makes it difficult, your back leaned back correctly, and to prepare your arm for the force of the cable jerking you forward.

This was everyone excited at the start, while I, well, was trying to figure out how I was going to tackle the kneeboarding stunt.

This is me kneeboarding. Yup, I sucked. Sorry, let me correct that... I SUCK. Caps.

I know, I should have seen this coming, especially when I said I have the biggest garden in the whole neighbourhood.

Biggest garden, biggest gardening job.

For some very odd reason I woke up early on Saturday, wait, not an odd reason, the kids woke up and tore across the corridor like little elephant stampedes. And I lay on my bed for awhile until I decided that I might as well stop wasting time lying there trying to go back to sleep and get the mat out and sleep in the garden as my body slowly catches up being awake.

I walked out of the room, thinking it was probably 10am or something, looked at the clock and went, "7.30AM!!!???!"

Narrowed my eyes a little at the two monkeys who were grinning at me as they played with their toys in the lounge and made myself a hot cup of tea to take out into the garden. I lazed on the grass for an hour before I went back in to have my breakfast.

By the time it was finally 10am, I was wondering what in the world to do with my time. My finger went up to the air and said to myself, "I know! Clean the windows!"

Borrow ladders from the Coach House, jacked up the volume on my iPod and started putting all my energy into cleaning the windows.

"And after that, I'll hoover and polish my room floor!" I thought to myself with full of energy.

Got to the second set of windows, and realised the alley between the room windows and the neighbour's bushes were filled with dead leaves gone unattended for the 3 months the tenancy was passed to the Korean family. It was a mess, so I went to the church garden where 3 church members were cleaning up, borrowed a rake to clear up the leaves.

Realised, the neighbour's bushes was overgrown into our area, so borrowed scissors to trim the bushes.

Then I had to rake the ground around the trimmed bushes again.

When I got around that alley to the back of the house, got poked a few times by some overgrown plants with thorns and got annoyed with it so I started to trim those plants, the grass and the weeds around that area.

Had to rake that area as well.

Halfway tackling the back of the house, sweltering under the summer sun, my window cleaning task abandoned, my gardening job looking like it was going to face abandonment as well, I muttered to myself, "Stupid girl."

I have to be honest, when I first came to UK I thought I was going to balloon up massively in weight like I did when I was a student. But I've found it quite easy this time to round to maintain my weight. Anymore crazily inspired spurts of cleaning like on Saturday, I'll be as slim as Sarah.