Saturday, April 29, 2006
Regaining trust
"Do you trust Me?""Yes, Lord."
"Do you trust Me?""Well... maybe not for every single thing, but yes."
"Do you trust Me?""It's hard."
"Do you trust Me?""I want to trust You, help me to."
"To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty
strength,
not one of them is missing...
... Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:25-26, 28-31
Friday, April 28, 2006
Just when you think...
Korea's new premier
What a testimony of Proverbs 16:7.
Read
here and then
here.
"When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
he makes even his enemies live at peace with him."
Psalm 16:7
Monday, April 24, 2006
Burnt out workaholic
My mood's been a bit... down, in the last few days hasn't it? I think work has also been super duper stressful lately. So much so that my pride doesn't even bother to lift its weary head when I consider about giving up. It couldn't even be bothered to blink at the thought of people saying
"she wasn't good enough".
It has just crossed my threshold. I don't think I can take it anymore. Oh God... now I'm close to being really desperate.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Sigh...
Reasons why I find it hard to be a Christian, in no particular order:
1. In an era of
instantaneouism, waiting upon the Lord (even with active waiting) is not the easiest thing to do.
2. In an era of
performance-driven and
result-oriented organisations, trusting in the mysterious and unseen ways of God is not the easiest thing to do.
3. In an era of
self-empowerment, surrendering everything to God and trying to practise the two above is not the easiest thing to do.
Hmm... can't think of anything else. Doesn't matter. The three above is enough to drive a Christian nuts.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Clueless
Don't ask me. I don't know anything anymore.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Good old days
I wonder if it's just one of those funny coincidences.
I lamented to Edward about having a sad life... I spend so much time at work, office and with colleagues during the weekdays... and during weekends, though I try to strictly cut off access by work, office and colleagues into my life, I sleep it away most of the time. If not, it's gym. And he suggested that I should try to meet up with friends more instead of spending so much of my time with colleagues.
And then this week... I've met up with an ex-college mate, who I had such a major crush on when I first met him. What drama! The first time we ever saw each other was when he was standing at the forefront of a packed lift and the doors were just closing. We saw each other and we both just connected at that single moment and you could literally feel/see the currents zapping across the corridor between the two of us. After that we (notice I put the word we instead of just I) kept trying to look for each other or bump into each other. Oh shies! I remember looking and memorising his schedules and 'coincidentally' hanging around his classes. In my defense, Gurjeet egged me on and with such support, how could I resist making a fool out of myself?
Anyway!
I met up with him for drinks and had a blast catching up with him because even though we promised to meet up when I first came back from UK, it was only after 3 years when we finally did.
And as I was catching up with him, another old college mate called me up with scintillating, CNN worthy news. Well, my version of CNN anyway. Have to meet up with him for drinks/dinner soon because I'm just burning for more details.
Hmm... what a weird coincidence. I used to have a crush on this college mate as well! Lemme think if I made a fool out of myself with this dude... hehe... nope! I didn't! But if I remember correctly, stooopid Azli did it for me! College was a blast now that memories of it are coming back. By the way, remember, anything said about me during those days are lies! All lies! Except for the good part. But don't believe everything that may be said about me during college! Lies I tell you!
Sigh... those were the days.
Update:This is so weird. Today, I had two calls from friends I haven't caught up with for a number of months. And then as I was walking back into the office after a meeting, I bumped into a familiar face, a guy I knew from college, who's now working in a company in the same building as me. Then as I sat down to check my mail, a dear dear friend had sent a mail telling me he's back and wants to meet up to tell me everything that has been happening in his life. Super sweet.
But for some reason, everything feels pretty weird. It's surreal, as if there's something happening behind all these emergence of old friends who I've not met or spoken with for a long long time.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Onward, upward
"Is there no end?"Picking up the lone flower that grew in between the crevices of the rocks, its petals seemed weak and pale in contrast to the blazing golden flowers she saw with the memories in her head. As she looked up the hill she climbed, all she saw was endless rocky ground and only a hint of grass, barren of trees or life.
"Is there no end?" she whispered again.
Turning around, the wind that swept her skin was cool and pleasant, and the skies were cloudless, revealing a bright blue expanse. The birds that flew in it caused a surge of joy within her, but at the same time it also caused her heart to ache. If she could only reach out and join them.
She had walked for so long that she was slowly forgetting who she was, what she left behind and the reason why she walked. All that was left in her awareness was the motion of walking. There were times when she even forgot why she was walking.
She lived, and yet there were times she forgot why she lived.
Is there no end. It was no longer a question. It was a resignation.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Here we go again...
Last Quarter worn me out quite a bit, to the point that I hardly had much energy left to keep my chin above the waters and I was really threatening to drown. And last week and even this Monday, I really felt like I was sinking underneath, watching the light fade as the bubbles swirled above me.
And all I could do was to close my eyes and plead to God to save me.
And just as I was close to accept my watery grave, it was as if there was a sudden gush of current that swept me up to break through the waters and breath air again.
I can imagine the Holy Spirit flicking at His nose with His thumb saying,
"Phish... We haven't failed you yet, you think We're going to start now?"And now I'm just raring to tackle Quarter 2 with my bare hands again. The sea still looks endless with no land in sight ahead of me. But at least I've got enough energy to swim again.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Sauna addict
I've joined the gym for two months now. I can't deny, I prefer going to the gym so much better than going out for walks or playing sports. I love competitive sports, but well, I'm not really all that young and agile with boundless energy anymore. And the gym provides a very controlled climate, with facilities to work out every part of the body, and free flow of drinks. Muahaha... I think the last bit feeds my inherent
kenjus*-ness!
Anyway.
Besides, I've been getting a lot more careful with my body these days since I had some back problems a few years back and my knees are beginning to hint to me that I should be careful with them, so I've got to stop abusing my body through high impact sports.
The best part of joining a gym that I relish the most is the sauna. Mmm... hot, steaming sauna, opening pores and forcing all the toxin out through sweat and then washing it all off with cold shower... it's a luxury I can't get enough of. Apparently, the exposure of the skin to heat is believed to stimulate the production of white blood cells and strengthens the immune system as well.
*Kenjus - stingy
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Malaysia boleh!
When I had dinner with Li Yuan near her house in Cheras one night, I encountered a somewhat unique thing I have yet to encounter in another country...
...
...
Guess what it is? Go on... I bet you'd never guess.
Hundreds and hundreds of sparrows, all lined up on the electric lines!! Hehe... sorry, I was (still am) new to photography, which is why I figured it would be hard for anyone to guess 'coz the pics are actually quite bad.
Seriously, can you imagine?! Hundreds of sparrows all perched on the electric lines in the whole area where we had dinner?! It's scary!! It's like... Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Bird", musta been inspired by sights like that. Well, good thing sparrows are like small and not ferocious creatures.
My friend who lives in Klang, once shared about how she was walking to the bus stop, after buying some curry puffs, and a few crows attacked her for it!! An old lady nearby shouted at her to drop the curry puffs (can't believe she was still trying to hold on to it) and RUN!
It can only happen in Malaysia (I think).
And... of course the other scary part about having a flock of birds congregating at one place is this. No matter how innocent they may seem, they're all the same. They all poop. My car, after my dinner with Li Yuan.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Fond memories
If by now you haven't realise how important Taiping is in my life, well, I guess I should just say, Taiping is very important in my life. I love everything about it, with the exception of the incredible heat that town has. Did you know, that Taiping is the hottest place in the whole of Malaysia? And because of the heat, it forms heavy convective rain. And what's unique about this is that because it usually rains daily, the locals actually bet among each other as to who can accurately predict what time the first rain drops, ie either on the roof or some tin or something.
How's that for small town entertainment?
Taiping town
This building is directly opposite my grandfather's textile store. When I used to stay with my grandparent when I was really small, they would bring me to the store nearly every day and night. I would just hang around and play with my grandfather's hired help.
Swiss Hotel coffee shop
My grandpa used to take me there for breakfast, and he would have his cup of coffee and pour some of the coffee unto the saucer and let me sip it from there.
Lim Chooi
And this is my grandpa's textile shop. Ang Lim Chooi is his name. Every evening, my grandpa would come home for dinner, and then take me and my grandma to the shop and we would wait until they closed the shop and then we headed back home again.
The Store hypermarket
My grandma would take me there at times while we waited for my grandpa to close shop and they had the the little joyrides there, which my grandma would pay 20 cents for me to ride. When my brother is around, he would go up to the second/third floor that had the arcade games there.
More pictures
It's moments like this when it hits you like a brick that you're an adult:
You come home and find the majority of the mail are for you, and they're all bills.
When your grandparents no longer give you money but it's your turn to give them the money.
But, I must say, there is a deep sense of satisfaction, even though I don't agree with money being the currency of affection, in seeing my grandparents' eyes light up when I placed the notes into their hands and basking in their approval of the filial act and it does do something inside me. Ironic as it may seem, their approval wasn't bought by the money, but rather by the sincerity in the act itself. I hope it's something I can in turn ingrain in my own kids one day.
Since Chinese New Year, I had this itch to snap up shots of the place I grew up in and so I did. My only regret is that I didn't take as much as I would have liked to.
The living room of my paternal grandparents home. The two portaits are of my great-grandparents. Should the altar be scary or bad because of the spiritual connotations? I grew up in this house, and so this altar is like a part of our lives.
Beyond the front living room, there is another equally large space, before it reaches the kitchen. I'm not even sure what you would call it - a second living room? Anyway, the pictures are of the pride and joy of the family, the centre two pictures on top are my grandparents, and on each side is the wedding picture of my parents and my father's oldest sister as they are the two eldest in the family. Below are wedding pictures of my father's siblings, and graduation pictures and baby picture.
And this is the entrance to the kitchen. The table at the corner left is the ironing table, and the little poster hanging at the side of the entrance is a calendar. I can't imagine how my grandparents can dutifully tear away the date as each day passes. My family tried to keep one of those tear-away calendars but eventually, everyday of the year shared the same date.
The kitchen. I love every thing about my grandparents house. Everything. Including this. See that table there? Many many years ago, the kitchen light was acting up, and before my grandparents got it fixed, I watched my grandpa had to stand on top of the table to reach the light and give it a good tap before it decided to give light. During the evening, when the adults were out of the house and left my siblings, cousin and I at home, I decided to be a smart alec and climb the table to copy my grandpa's actions to get the lights going. But unfortunately, I didn't realise how important it was to have my grandma there to hold on to the tables while my grandpa climbed up, because when I climbed up, the table tipped and everything fell to the ground - me, the leftover food and plates that were still on the table. Boy, did I cry. 'Specially when my siblings called my grandma who was at my grandpa's textile store. Thankfully, my siblings and cousin helped me clean up the mess as best as we could in the dark.
My grandpa hanging round the kitchen waiting for lunch to be served. The cupboard on the right is called in hokkien, chai tu. I hope I'm correct. :P
It's actually a larder, but you don't find it in modern homes these days. I love it, I always loved opening it up and closing it even though I wasn't looking for food at all.
My oldest aunt helping out in the kitchen.
Another view of the kitchen, where the plates and bowls are kept, next to the slow cooker and rice cooker.
It seems the neighbour's cat decided to take up residence in my grandparents home. Stoopid cat. I tried touching it and it spent about a minute cleaning up the spot where I touched it. I felt like telling the stuck up cat, "Oi... I got more say than you about who stays in this house. You want me to kick you out ah?!"
After I fed it some leftover scraps it was less sombong (proud) towards me but when my mother playfully tried to push the cat with her leg, it hissed and threatened to scratch her.
My grandma cooking soup at the outside kitchen. Maybe I should have taken a picture of it, but she's still using the coal stove rather than modern gas stoves.
The front porch. I remember there was one time when the four of us - my brother, sis and cousin sister and I were restricted to playing under the roof because it started raining, but a car was parked like how my grandpa's car is. And that took up precious playing space. My cousin's mom was sitting on the bench on the right corner, reading a newspaper. My brother had the brilliant idea of releasing the brakes of the car and got us to push it off the porch. We did it and quite brilliantly as well, and our aunt had a shock when she lowered the newspaper to find the car moved and us playing happily.
Ok, so that's about it for the pictures for now.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Finally, pictures!
No, no one shot me yet. Yes, I'm ok. Last post was due to intense pressure from having to meet Quarter 1 budget. My first quarter end on sales plan, so it was a rather... new experience for me. I'm amazed I survived, though barely.
Anyway, since the first quarter is over, I've been spending the last few days resting and recuperating for the next round of brutality. I finally got round to uploading all the pictures I've been taking with my new Fujifilm camera, which is very satisfying so far. Sorry, can't articulate my camera specs much because I'm still a very much digital camera dummy. Bought it because I wanted one, and I brought along a colleague who's into photography and all, and since he's a salesperson as well, pretty much did the job for the pretty sales girls. All he had to do was say, "Buy this!" and that would have been sufficient, but he went on and on about the features and stuff until I finally caught on with his enthusiasm and bought it.
And since I was mercilessly insulted by Gurjeet once again - she said I take lousy shots and I'm not good at photography... can you imagine?! - I've been experimenting a lot and being trigger happy with my new camera.
Among Gurjeet's other painfully blunt insults thrown at me...
- Your breath stinks
- Your feet stinks
- You have chicken thighs
- How stupid can you get (other versions - you're stupid, stupid woman, so stupid)
- HaHaHa... (this can be quite insulting, especially when used in the face of sensitive circumstances)
My first virgin shot...
Rainy day on the highway after work
I also decided last minute to join my parents and sister to go back to Taiping for Qing Ming. Qing Ming (pronounced cheng beng) is the festival where Chinese people hold the memorial ceremony for the dead. And since it was the first year since my maternal grandma passed away, I thought it would be good to go back to pay my respects. I've only gone back for Qing Ming twice, prior to this, as far as I can remember. That's because I didn't personally know my maternal grandpa or my great-grandparents, so I never felt very inclined to go back, especially since my parents never forced us to.
So anyway, left KL yesterday evening and came back again today in the evening.
At the memorial park in Taiping. It has been packed with people for the last two weeks.
Sorry, since Blogger was experiencing problems uploading the pics, had to switch. My mom's youngest brother (I did mention that my mother has six sisters and three brothers - one passed away when he was a few years old, didn't I?) laying out paper over my grandma's grave. I asked my cousin brother why we had to do that, and he didn't know. He asked his mother why they had to do that and she answered something in Hokkien. We asked what that meant and she paused before she grinned and said she didn't know either. But it's meant to be somewhat like a covering or something. If anyone knows, please tell me.
Part of the ritual is to burn paper stuff for the dead, which is believed to materialize in the netherworld for them to enjoy. Popular items to be burnt - paper money and paper clothes. My grandma managed to get two new blouse on top of the oodles of money, new pair of shoes and a gold watch. Chinese people... sigh...
Another odd Chinese peculiarity, food being offered to the dead is a must. Wonder why Chinese people places so much importance in food.
My aunts, uncle and dad hiding under the shade while waiting for my cousins and aunt to finish preparing the ceremonial offerings.
My Amah's (grandma) tombstone
The memorial park
From left: my cousin brother, his mother, my nephew, mom
My rather naughty nephew who was running about creating as much havoc as he could.
From left: youngest aunt, eldest aunt, me and my sixth aunt
