Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Spiritual gifts
On Friday, at church, The Pastor Wife and I ended up sharing our experiences since a workshop on spiritual gifts in October to the rest of the group. We talked about how it helped us increase in faith and the leaps of faith and the shrinking back from lack of faith we had made. The Pastor Wife did the former, I did the latter of course.
Interestingly, each time I've shrunk in fear has been the times I feel God could be asking me to pray for healing.
The first, the person asking for healing rejected Christ, and I was way too young a Christian to even realise what was happening.
The second, it was in public and way too radical for me at that time.
The third, I was fearful of offending someone I deeply love and respect for fear of offending her Presbyterian senses. This I regret now, as I didn't fully grasp how God was hinting that of all the people from the church, she was amongst the most sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
I'm not quite sure if it means I have a specific anointing in the gift of healing. I'm sure He'll use me when He likes, but no, I don't believe healing makes the main part of my calling. Just the side effects I suppose, at best.
The Pastor and The Pastor Wife and their entire household were struck ill, one after another, end December. Shingles to fainting from exhaustion to violent bouts of vomit... Yet they keep going on and on for the sake of God's kingdom work. Just our luck, to be under the two most Kingdom workaholic extraordinaire.
We prayed for The Pastor Wife before we left, and one girl prayed for healing for her. I was to be honest feeling utterly unholy and unfervorous. But when the girl prayed, I moved forward without thinking much, simply uttered, "We release healing, in Jesus' Name." And tapped on The Pastor Wife's nose and moved back.
After everyone prayed, she opened her eyes and excitedly told her how the prayers got things going, and the moment I tapped on her nose, she felt a sensation travel through her nose that cleared it up. She did sound less nasally by Sunday.
Interesting. But what's even more interesting is what else will come in this next 2-3 years.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Year's resolution
The new year doesn't feel like a new year but a continuation of new phase in life that moving to Singapore has been.
But I've only just got back into the swing of things today (I had jetlag problems for the first time). I'm smacked afresh with existing issues I need to work at and slowly chip away. I am very conscious of the fact that I have problems with self-confidence, insecurities and constant desire to run away in self-denial.
I feel a lot more alone in Singapore right now without the support system I've always had. At every phase of my employment, I've always had someone more senior overlooking at me in some way and mentoring, affirming and guiding me.
For the first time I feel I've been removed of that and it makes me nervous because people seem to trust that I know what needs to be done and can get it done. It's funny how everyone always seem to be more confident of me than I am of myself. It's almost habitual, to feel myself pausing and looking around for someone to tell me what whether I'm doing the right thing.
But I do sense the Lord's firm hold on my shoulder at each turn that I need to stop that, that I need to start trusting that all that He has done with me is to enable me to stand on my own two feet.
We had a company's team building event last month where we were divided into 7 groups and I was unknowingly made as one of the group leaders and the only female at that. We had to do a series of activities and I frustratingly gave up hopes on being the winner halfway through because of a shaky start. But surprisingly, there was a twist at the end that allowed us to be the overall winners.
I was gloating internally upon realizing the only female had beaten all the other group leaders. GLOAAAAATING.
It was a small eye opening event that perhaps I do discredit myself more than I ought to.
A really good afternoon spent in London with an ex-colleague also proved to be a much needed booster that I have not had for awhile. It is just so very incredibly affirming when the people you respect the most has so much confidence in you. Thank you!
So I don't have that many new year's resolution (other than the usual Exercise More item), but I should add this one - Stop over thinking and start acting.
Monday, January 09, 2012
Away
Was in the UK for 2 and a half weeks last month for Christmas and New Year. It felt surreal initially, as I've always travelled to UK to live, not for holiday.
The queue in Heathrow Terminal 4 was manic! It felt like it stretched forever and would take at least 4 hours but to their credit it actually only took 2 hours (faint British sarcasm here).
Martin was wonderfully generous, giving up his Saturday lie in to pick me up at the airport at 8am, and as he drove me back to Ealing it was really surreal, seeing everything as they are. London hardly changed except for the new buses.
I spent the first few days excitedly meeting so many familiar faces I felt overloaded with adrenaline. I should put up 1 or 2 pictures one of these days.
But a brief summary of the trip. It was crazily tiring because I set myself a really intense itinerary to catch up with as many people as possible, so much so that I don't want to go back to the UK for the next few years if I have to do it again.
I oscillated from not wanting to go back to Singapore in the first week, to dying to go back to Singapore in the second week because I was so freaking tired. And then being glad to be back in Singapore, but then feeling a bit depressed on being in Singapore.
I expect that I will get back into the swing of things pretty soon though! My first quarter of the year is promising to be a crazily busy time.