Journey mercies

I fell in love with oil paintings when I first saw a painting by John Constable, in one of London's art museums. I have never shown any artistic talents, although I knew that if I put my mind and back into drawing, I could be just above average.

Picking up painting was something that played in my mind for a while, but it was Emmanuelle, a friend from church, who encouraged me to really do it. We were in her room praying together, and I saw a painting on top of her desk with her signature. I was surprised she shared a similar interest in painting as I did and I told her I did think of doing it, and she promptly and firmly said, "Do it."

She told me where I could get cheap art supplies and I went that same afternoon to get it.

I got some small canvases to begin with, and finally sat down on Saturday evening to paint. And so I did it, I painted my first painting. And frankly, I was surprised it wasn't a disaster, and actually quite pleased with my first painting.

Anne and Antonella insisted that they liked it very much and they made me hang it in the living room temporarily. Only temporarily, because it's a bit small, and they want me to do something on a bigger canvas.

It's no masterpiece, but it's enough to open up a door to a part of me I don't think I'll be shutting for a while. And it makes me very excited, because it feels as if there is so much to explore through that door, so much potential I never paid attention to.

Last Friday I went over to Martin's place to watch Transformers with him, Jonno, Jonno's cousin and Chris. In England, it's cheaper to buy DVDs than watching movies in the cinema, while it's the reverse in Malaysia, where it's cheaper to watch the movie in a cinema than buying original DVDs (don't get me started on pirated DVDs. I am quite avid against buying DVDs in spite of the occasional temptation to watch pirated DVDs that other people buy).

So anyway, I have only watched one movie in the cinema since I've got here, which is Ratatouille, they showed it in England after a month of it being released in Malaysia. If I'm not mistaken, because of the piracy rates in countries like Malaysia, they try release it earlier there to circumvent piracy.

Anyway, when Jonno finally got to Martin's flat with the pizzas the boys quickly prepared everything to watch the DVD, from making sure the sound systems were right, tables shifted, lights switched off and couches shifted for optimum viewing.

They were so excited because none of them watched it before except me! I still can't imagine how they did not watch it in the cinema, because it's the kind of movie you have to watch in a wide screen and monster surround sound system.

Good thing the movie did not fail to meet their expectation. The boys were suitably happy.

It was past midnight when we got ready to leave Martin's flat which is about 20 minutes walk away from mine, but he drove Chris and I back at any rate. When we stepped out of the flat, we, me anyway, were amazed at the thick fog! Chris thought it was beautiful while all I could think of was English horror movies where killings were done in nights shrouded in fog like this. Martin studied in Cambridge and he told me how the fog there could get so thick one time he could not even see his hand when extended in front of him!

Was so fascinated with the fog I had to take a picture of it from the window of my room.

My Christmas break has started! We go back to work only on the 2nd of January, which makes me so happy! But I will be working on the 27th of December, which I volunteered to, since it will be good to use the quiet time in the office to prepare for the new year.

My flatmates have gone back to their respective countries - Spain, Italy and Germany to spend Christmas with their families. I'll be joining my aunt and her family for Christmas.

The week has been quiet, not just because a number of people started their Christmas break earlier, so business is slower, but also because church activities have also quieten down. It's great now that I've got more time for myself and feeling less frenzied. Being alone in my flat, the peace is allowing me to gather thoughts and emotions.

The year will end pretty soon, and usually, about this time, I start reflecting back on the year and think about the new year. But I don't feel that... 'closure'? As I usually do at the end of the year. Maybe because I've only recently moved to London in August, and it feels like my 'calendar year' starts then, and I'm only half way through the year, rather than ending it.

Looking back on the year, and years, I see the Lord's goodness shining through it all. There has been difficult moments, but it all pales in comparison. Those moments have already begun to fade in my mind as the memory of His goodness grows stronger.

I never fail to wonder, how people who do not know God, survive in this world. If I did not have His peace, joy and love that surpasses all understanding, I am certain that I would not survive.

What is the chief end of man?

The only thing that spurs me forward, the reason I live, is so that at the end of this life on earth, when I have breathed my last breath, when the life as I know fades from my eyes, and I stand before my Maker, on that first encounter with the full glory of God unveiled, I may stand before Him without shame.

Without fear.

Without regrets.

I had a conversation with a friend who scoffed at the simplicity of salvation. Can man simply be saved and accepted by God through believing that Jesus, God entering this world as Man, died as a sacrifice as an atonement for our sins?

You offer up tables of food as offering to ancestor shrines, and hold lit josticks in your hands as you ask them for blessings?

You slit the neck of a cow as korban (sacrifice) and expect that by the blood of animals, can atone your sins?

You give money to monks or temples or churches and in doing so, by sacrificing what you hold most dear, hope to be found good?

If you were God, who created all, owns all, would you not scoff at that? What can man give to God that He did not first create? Do you think that God, who created the stars in the universe, will find food, animals and money worth His while? Really? And you really think that God in the form of man dying on the cross foolish? Really?

And so you say, that's why I don't believe in God. When you stand before Him, say that one more time. It will, I assure you, throw a whole new dimension to the word foolish.

I have nothing to lose by believing in Him. You have all to lose by disbelieving Him.

And so you ask, what do I really have to lose?

Punishment of sin is described as a lake which burns with fire and brimstone and is eternal. Close your eyes and put your hand through fire and take that pain and amplify it by a hundred times. Now imagine that that pain goes on and on and on.

No respite, no quench.

No amount of crying for forgiveness and a second chance will matter by that time.

Do you really have nothing to lose?

If you're not scared by such a fate, I am.

This is in the final book of the Bible (Revelations 21:1-8), vision of the end of days revealed to John:

Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.

Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are true and faithful."

And He said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.

"He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.

"But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."

Some may ask, how can one be sure to find the true God? If, at this very moment, you humble yourself to admit you are a sinner in need of forgiveness, and ask God in your heart, I want to find You and believe in You, the true God, please help me to find You and believe in You, then you are at the start of an amazing journey my friend.

Last night I went grocery shopping. Went to the local Polish grocery store and got a whole load of vegetables and fruits, so much so when I went to the counter with them, Omar, the guy who takes care of the store asks what in the world I was planning to do with everything.

Then he commented that I must be a good cook, to which I responded, "What are you talking about? I'm going to eat all of them raw!"

It's a good thing I'm a big fan of vegetables. I love munching on carrots and broccoli. I'm going to do that for a while. The strain of holding my tummy in is getting to me. But will be more focused on dieting next year of course.

Tonight is roast pheasant for my company's Christmas dinner! Then next week I'm sure to be pigging out with family.

La da di da... if you ever email or chat or type any sort of message to me and the word "Christmas" happens to be in the sentence you are constructing, please :) try to avoid typing it as "xmas" to me.

I have to put in the la da di da and :) in my sentences just so it is communicated I'm not being fussy and nitpicky and overly sensitive about this. I'm not jumping down anyone's throats but when I see "xmas" a little flicker of discomfort goes off in my head.

Christmas is about Jesus CHRIST. Blot out Christ from your life in your own time and space. But do not come close to insinuating that Christ can be blocked out by an x with me. :)

Nooo... I'm not fierce. I'm just firm and self-assertive.

Yesterday I finally went to do my Christmas shopping and bought some other necessities for the flat. By the time I got back I was flat out exhausted. Called AC to see if I could pass back the pots I borrowed and he and C persuaded me to go with them to a friend's house warming party despite my protests.

The flat we went to was nice and cosy, but because I didn't know anyone else there beside the hostess who was running about and my two friends, I found myself feeling incredibly awkward.

So AC kept me company (or was it me keeping him company since that was the reason they dragged me out) as we sat on the couch in the living room chatting.

After half an hour, a British born Chinese guy came up to introduce himself as J. He sat on my right side while AC sat on my left. After a few minutes of polite conversation, I asked one of my safe but sure questions, "So, where are you from?"

J proceeds to tell me, "Norwich."

I shake my head in doubt and then J leans his head back on the couch, literally making sure that AC was blocked out of his view as he concentrates on me as he maps where Norwich is in the British map. That made both AC and me uncomfortable immediately. And for the next 10 minutes constantly does that... leaning his head back to block AC out of his view and focus his gaze at me.

I kept trying to draw AC into the conversation until I think J finally realised the air of discomfort and offered to get a drink for AC.

AC then proceeds to grin gleefully.


AC: You both are getting along so well, I should leave you with him.

Me: 0_o Nooooo... you can't! Stay where you are!

AC: Well, are you sorry then for what you did in the tube station?!

Me: -_- Yes, yes, fine I'm sorry! *Yeah right, I'm so waiting to do that again*

AC: Heheh... I'll stay then!

Me: *Sucker, if I were you, I would so ditch you just for laughs!*


Good thing we had to leave shortly after. We went to flush out C, the other friend, and apparently he wasn't having any better a time, being stuck between an Economist and a Teacher and couldn't escape from them to look for us. But overall, the night was still good with a few laughs shared over it. :)

I went to watch a play with a friend on Tuesday night because a church member was acting in it and we went to support her. The play was not altogether bad actually. Considering the fact that I've never been one to watch plays or musicals because they bore me, the play actually left a pleasing taste at the end of it. I enjoyed the acting the most, rather than the storyline.

So anyway, as we were waiting at the station for the tube, 2 girls stood in front of me. A cheeky smile formed on my face and I nudged my friend, asking him what he thought about the girls. He made some comments but I didn't even hear him. I asked him what he thought if I asked the girls if they would give him his number, he threatened to strangle me with his scarf and poke me with his pen.

He was so afraid of me that he stubbornly stuck his back to the girls while glaring at me. I looked beyond him and smiled at them and pointed to him with one hand with the other hand in a thumbs up.

His face was so red and his eyes as well (from glaring at me) I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

I told him, "Awww... pink looks good on your face."

When the tube came I tried to go into the same carriage as the girls but he literally shoved me to the opposite direction.

As we stood in the tube I looked at the 40ish year old woman beside me and grinned at him. As I tilted my head to her direction, he stomped on my foot.

It was the best tube ride I've had.

After a while as I continued laughing at him he suddenly bent his head towards me and told me, "By the way, did you realise, your fly is down?"

He grinned at me gleefully and added, "And pink looks good on you too. And I'm not talking about your face."

"Retribution." He winked.

If I didn't find the entire situation so funny I might have felt embarrassed. But then again, I find myself in just one too many embarrassing situations, that once again, I fail to be embarrassed.

Not that it's snowing here. But this morning the ground was frosted quite a bit. And I should have taken heed when I first slipped and turned my ankle while I was walking towards the tube station. Because ten minutes after that I found myself falling on my bum.

However, I've had so many undignified spills I no longer feel embarrassed.

Time for new boots as well.

There are some distinctive culture difference between London and Kuala Lumpur life. Well, many distinctive cultural differences. But one in particular is how lifestyle in KL is one that is very social and we go out a lot to have dinner and drinks with friends, whether in a small or big setting.

Here in London, going out and having a good meal is quite expensive, so people usually favour having dinner parties in their homes.

I got invited to enough dinner parties to be bitten by the bug, so last Saturday I invited some folks over my flat for a small dinner party.

I went with a friend to the local Chinese supermarket to get the necessary ingredients and was quite happy to find that it carried quite a lot of things. My mind was already thinking of what I could be cooking for my next dinner party.

They also had precooked food which only required reheating. I was hesitant to pick those because it felt like cheating, but my friend looked at me with a wry smile and said, "Remember, the point of you having the dinner party is to get to know the people better, not to show off how good a cook you are."

-_-

Fiiiinnee... so I picked up some char siew (Chinese bacon) and frozen won ton. On top of those, I boiled some good ol kai lan (Chinese broccoli) and steamed tau fu with my favourite barley tong sui. It taste almost just like my mom's!

Everyone, which was a mix of English, German, South Korean and Japanese people, was quite excited about the fare and having no prior benchmarks, claimed that it was quite good. To another Malaysian, it would have been marked below average, but then again, I am a beginner at cooking. I may have gotten a C at cooking, but definitely an A for effort!

Every Tuesday evening, I go to the Andrew & Nicky's for homegroup. Sometimes we alternate to 52, but most times it's at the Andrew & Nicky's. The church has several different homegroups, and I was first invited to join the one at church, which is mainly English people. But after giving it a miss the first time, I was invited by Nicky to join theirs, which is the international group.

And since then I've been joining them every week. We usually meet at 7.30pm for dinner, and then do some Bible study and break off at 10.30pm. It's a pretty diverse lot. Among the countries represented are Malaysia, Bulgaria, Germany, China, Hong Kong, America, England, Afghanistan, Italy, South Korea and I'm sure a few other more countries.

Today we had a Christmas party and we had some students from Thames Valley University joining us for the first time.

I've joined them for a month now, and I'm increasingly more and more comfortable with the lot of them.

Confession: I feel most at home with people who are not Chinese than Chinese people themselves. But this is not to say I'm not comfortable with Chinese people. I'm just more comfortable with people who are of a different race. Don't ask me why. This is why I say if my identity was not firmly entrenched as a citizen of God's kingdom, I would be facing major identity crisis, because there is not one group of people this world that I can fully relate myself to.

A couple of weeks ago, when Stephen realised I was in London, he invited me to join a few of them who would be going to Leeds for Michael's baptism. Since these were mainly the Hong Kong folks, I've not actually met them for at least 4 years, since I left Newcastle, and thought it would be a great idea to see familiar faces again.

As the date for me to leave for the weekend drew closer, I was feeling the familiar reluctance to follow through with plans. I have the worse habit ever to be led by emotions, so when tiredness or moodiness hits me, I tend to distort plans at the last minute to meet my emotions. In short, I'm an FFK-er. Not going to explain that bit :P

But decided, no, I am not going to let that bad habit continue. So despite my heavy reluctance, braved the wind and rain and trudged to St Albans to stay at my aunt's place on Friday night, because Stephen actually lives very close to my aunt. On Saturday morning he and his girlfriend Sharon, came to pick me up and we were off to Birmingham to pick up another Hong Kong friend, Max.

Had lunch and then drove up to Leeds. It was in total a 5 hours drives.

I promptly decided at first sight, Birmingham wasn't a pretty city, while Leeds on the other hand, was surprisingly very interesting. We got so fascinated with the Christmas deco and lights we decided against going to Michael and Faye's place to stop and look around the city.

We promptly became fascinated tourists! We oohed and aahed at the Christmas decorations and we even stumbled upon a German Christmas market, where we tasted the woodwine which was very good, and had to resist our strong Chinese tendencies to try the different food there was in the market because we were supposed to have dinner with everyone else soon enough.

We had dinner at a Chinese restaurant for steamboat, and then proceeded back to Michael and Faye's house where 10 of us camped there overnight. The next day everyone got up late and had a good brunch meal together. Faye cooked porridge and cheong fun which was promptly devoured by everyone!

In the afternoon we went to church for Michael's baptism and when it was finished in the evening, Stephen, Max and I were the first to leave Leeds. Being a 5 hour journey drive down, we didn't want to reach back in London completely wiped out and unable to operate tomorrow for work.

Some thoughts that really struck me this weekend was how versatile I've been forced to be for the last number of years. First it was adjusting to working life, from a relatively small company to a massive MNC, from small medium businesses as customers to semi-government customers, which consist of different market demographics. Then it was adjusting to a completely different country, culture and mindsets and predominantly adjusting to English and European people. Then this weekend I found myself having to switch to Chinese people, language and mindsets and it all left me feeling quite tired.

If my identity was not so firmly entrenched as a citizen of God's kingdom, I think I would go into massive identity crisis. I am not truly Chinese and yet not fully Western in attitude and mindsets. I cannot find myself fully immersed in either cultures and reject any fixed stereotypes of either to be imposed on me.

I sometimes wish I could stop focusing on being a sponge and trying to soak things up and learn as quickly as I can. But I've learnt that even the ability to be a sponge is sometimes not easy for certain people, so I should be glad that I have to a certain degree that same ability. But behind this sponge-like lifestyle I've had to adapt to, I'm certain God has His plans and in His time will unravel its purpose.