Journey mercies

I've heard many times already, of remarks that I must have broken many hearts. My response is always no, I don't think I have ever. Not purposely anyway, and not with much thought or intention at all.

But after a conversation, I just... wonder. And knowing how it feels when the strong emotions are having a go at your inner organs like one would in an amusement park with the roller coasters, it makes me feel uncomfortable thinking of myself as possibly being the cause of such unrest.

I 'think' I've learnt my lesson? Through the iBridge camp, I was teasing a few of them of finding someone 'interesting' in the camp. Until one evening, while I was sitting quietly, very quietly in fact because I was busy enjoying the stillness of heart after my walk with God, when Jimmy suddenly said, "____ is quite good looking hor?"

I was so taken aback by what he was suggesting that I looked like I was going to choke. And then that started my match making air again. After all, there were some success stories, and that made me feel so happy because since I was part of the committee that organised the previous camps, then that means I'm indirectly involved in helping them find joy! I felt like a proud mama during the retreat ;P

But sometimes, when the stories don't go the way that you want it to, it isn't such a nice feeling after all.

Speaking of Jimmy, I think he was the hero of this year's camp. He made the difference. :)

And it makes me feel like a proud sister this time, because we both met in our very first iBridge camp in 2003, and I remember we sat together at the table during dinner, looking very uncomfortable. And then we started talking. Fast forward four years later, and he is holding the mike and the crowd's attention and admiration. He sings, he dances, he tells jokes and everyone is enthralled. He shares his testimonies, and I see defenses dropping and hearts softening. And I see the power when the Deity touches humanness.

Sometimes, the iBridge retreat feels like checkpoints to me. Each of us go about our own journey, and once a year, we come to a single point to meet and to encourage one another before we go off and disappear for a year again before we meet the next year.

He doesn't have a fantastic singing voice, but when Jimmy sang Blessed Assurance, it never sounded anymore beautiful.




And since I'm talking about Jimmy leaving an impact in my life, I might as well talk about Tricia as well. This is the third year I've volunteered to lead the campers into a time of praise and worship. And this is the second time Tricia is my back up singer. And it was so very important for me to have her do that, because it encapsulated in a manner, our friendship. I could trust her, and I want her to be my back up in life! Just as I want to be her back up singer in life! And to think it all started when we were in Newcastle, when she would lead worship and I would back her up and when I led, she backed me up. Now, it has evolved from serving God, to being a symbol of our friendship.




Another person who left an impact in me was Seng Ghee. In the 2004 retreat, he spoke words of encouragement into me. It was the last morning of the 2004 retreat, and everyone had gone in for the last session while we both sat at the breakfast table. He did what I call prophesied into my life, and among all he said, affirmed that God is pleased with me. After that, we joined the rest of the campers in the time of singing praise and worship songs. As I stood at the back of the hall, I started crying.

I didn't know why, until God repeated Seng Ghee's affirmation, and God revealed His pleasure with me! There is nothing for me to boast of that I would be counted so special to deserve that, but it was in His sovereignty to thus allow me to experience it and what an experience it was! That veiled glimpse of His glory was mind blowing! I kept crying that day whenever I recalled back the beauty of God's glory.

And this year, Seng Ghee spent a few moments to catch up. And what a man of God. I felt humbled just talking to him as I did in 2004. He has such a gentle and loving spirit in him. And once more he sought to encourage and affirm my faith. Such a simple thing to do, and yet, we do it so little.

And the last person who made an impact in me was John. He came to the retreat confessing that he was a Christian but not a practising one. That made me smile, because you are either a person who knows God or who doesn't, but I with the people that were at the retreat, it made me feel he was in for a surprise. With people like Jimmy, Tricia, Seng Ghee, Tak Ming, Living, Davin, Peter, Eric, Stanley, and so so many other people who try and have made a difference for God, it would be hardpressed for him to leave the place after 4 days not feeling a bit different.

When he shared in the last session, he kept it simple. He saw the relationship of two brothers that was extraordinary and that made him want to make a change in his. He saw himself as being jaded and cynical for so long, but the retreat and the people and how they responded to one another and to God, made him feel that it could be a beginning for more to come. Sometimes for those who have been Christians for a long time, we become too immersed with our own way of thinking and traditions of doing things. So it was really good to have someone like him come along and ask innocent questions that makes me pause and think again of what I'm doing. More importantly, his honesty made me relook at myself and make certain reassessments.

I talked a lot during the retreat. Despite losing my voice, it still did not stop me. Far cry from how I thought I would be disconnected and detached. Far cry from the oppresive silence I've allowed myself to be boxed in for the greater part of the year.

I really do think I'm back. We shall see whether it is a passing phase or not. But I do think I'm back. :)