Journey mercies

Just got back from the annual iBridge retreat. The fourth year since I joined them in the first retreat at Frasers in 2003, very shortly after I returned from UK. It's great, to be able to have a venue to meet different brothers and sisters from different churches across the country.

This year when I signed up, I was expecting to be detached and disconnected and signed up only for the sake of showing support to the committee. I've been part of the organising committee for the last two years, so I can appreciate the stress that they would doubtless be inundated with.

But surprise surprise. God would not have me jaded and cynical for too long.

He's been doing some pretty fantastic things in my life in the last few months. The night when I wanted to accuse Him of abandoning me was in the midst of quickening of my spiritual recovery.

The only thing I can think of that could have precipitated my spiritual recovery was when Bro O was up from Singapore and we had a 'loooooong' chat. But despite the hours we spent that night talking, the one and only thing that really jumped out at me was him asking me, "If God were to challenge you as He challenged Abraham to sacrifice his only son, would you be able to sacrifice your work in I*M?!"

Talk about striking right at my heart. That was the moment I knew how much I had been giving up so much of myself to my work. And when I started to pull back from it. Today, by God's grace, I can say yes. And furthermore, I can say yes to taking a pay cut and a change of lifestyle. It'll take time to adjust, but I know I will. I cannot serve two masters, either money or God. And I know what money can do to people.

All this doesn't really have to do with the retreat, but the retreat helped me to reflect all the thoughts that have been floating in the last few months and to further strengthen my resolve on focusing more on God.

The beautiful part was after games yesterday evening, as I was headed back to the apartments, I felt God nudging me and suggesting we go for a walk together. It's been a while since we did that. When I was in UK, walking was the modus operandi to go anywhere. And it gave me lots of time to think and talk with God. I miss those times.

So we went, and such an incredible experience. It was beautiful, just being able to talk about anything that came to mind. God was busy admiring His own works. :)

We went for a late supper during the last night and when I got back, which was close to 3am, I thought it would be nice to wake up early and catch the morning air with God (I don't think it was my idea alone). But when the alarm went off at 6.30am, I was so tempted to go back to bed, but He didn't seem to want that. It was as if He kept nudging me and saying "Come on, if you don't get up, we're going to miss the morning air."

And if you really truly know me, it usually takes a gigantic effort to get out of bed if there's no siginificant event to attend to. But God's nudging was so insistent that I stumbled out of bed groggily and went out for a walk. And I was walking like a drunkard! I was so sleepy and tired and couldn't walk properly at all. It was worth it though. :)

And that would be the highlights of the retreat among many others.