The biggest challenge I find when you're in the high streets walking amidst the throng of bustling people rushing from one end to the other is that you're hardpressed to remain clear-headed and focused on the direction you were supposed to follow.
When everyone is rushing to the opposite direction where you are to go, it's a hard fight to push against them without being carried away to the same direction they are going. Eventually, you start wondering whether the direction the majority of the people are going to would make more sense before you start giving up going against the crowd and turn to fall into pace with them.
There is a false sense of purpose in it after all. False, maybe. But it's a direction isn't it?
I've been feeling good yesterday and for most of the day today. I've been smiling and greeting people while having light-hearted conversations. It's rare to see me in such a mood in the office in the last 14 months actually. At least to my memory.
But just as I walked out of the office in the evening BAM!!! The negativity, the resentment, the frustrations hit me like a bat wrapped in a pillow. And the tug-o-war started.
The biggest challenge I've faced in this period of 14 months has been the mental or more specifically, spiritual tug-o-war; between succumbing to the bitter resentment of things surrounding you and against focusing what is good, right and pure (Philippians 4:8). And picking up on a term a colleague mentioned today... it comes to a point when you become comfortably numb which is dangerous and yes, it is, because that is when one stops fighting and it's no guess which side you finally end up in right?
I think I was getting to that point at some time. When the negativity, resentment and frustrations hit me afresh today, it felt like someone threw a water balloon right at my head to wake me up from the dreamy lull I've been slowly coaxed to fall into and the shock of it has finally made me shake my head and allowed the reality of my situation register itself.
I can only pray that this is not a mere stirring of the heart but as well as the awakening of the mind.
Aza aza fighting!
Post a Comment