Journey mercies

It took me a while to warm up to the folks in my office (about a year!) because my experience in the past of getting too involved with work took me down dangerous paths. I wanted to draw my lines very strictly and see my work as part-time and being a Christian as a full-time job.

But, I can live so much in the past (my experience in previous jobs) and the future (what I want to do with my life) at times that I neglect my present too much. And so the Lord has drawn me out of those bubbles to embrace my present.

In small ways, the Lord began to teach me how to open little by little gaps to embrace my colleagues and my job.

This week has been a time that reminded me how good the Lord's favour can be.

One of the more scarily intense Account Directors today very firmly and repeatedly praised me for the work I was helping him with in front of my manager, who beamed at me when he left. Inwardly, I sighed a sigh of relief because it was just yesterday I was moaning to a friend about how I seemed to be so busy with work, but at the end of the day feel like there's so little output.

A warm and friendly colleague who never fails to draw out a smile from me no matter what my mood may be was telling me about how he has heard glowing reports of me - which meant a lot when he is in a different department that never crosses paths with my department.

As I was intently focusing on work this afternoon to get some documents out of the way, my manager and some other colleagues were joking together when one of them from one corner drew me into it and said it must have been my fault. Another manager followed on with it and enthusiastically told me to admit to it, which led to some fun bantering. If I drew parallels to a high school class, it's like how a bunch of popular kids were having fun together and by drawing me into their bantering was like them giving an odd bean like me their seal of approval.

I can't help but feel a bit amazed that despite how little my conscious effort is into building working relationships, my apathy towards building any relationship at all with senior management and slowness with work, I still feel a warm and strong ray of sunshine falling over me in the office.

I cannot help but remember how astounded I was after my first real year working in EyeBeeAm, my manager had nominated me the Best Team Player award for the Malaysian team. I was more astounded when one of my team members patted me in the back and sincerely said I deserved it. My mind could only think of alllllllllll the late nights struggling to stay afloat with work, how when I first joined the team, my team leader had looked at me with baleful eyes and declared at the rate I was going with work I would not last at all. At the point I was given the award, I was still feeling worried that everyone is going to soon realise I'm a fraud and have no real ability to do the job they were entrusting me.

It still makes me wonder, why no matter how little aptitude I feel I have towards work, no matter how little effort I put into the politics of work relationships, people still always end up giving me the thumbs up.

Of course I know though. And here's the reason for my unplanned success - clinging helplessly and desperately on God when you are absolutely certain you're rubbish at your work; and praying for each individual colleague that crosses your path even despite having reasons not to like them.

It's amazing how the Lord blesses and how good the blessings can be.

It actually makes me want to scratch my head with puzzlement why people suffer and work so hard on their own strength when there's a 100% guaranteed returns method to achieve true joy and fulfillment and that is be trusting in God alone.