A long story cut short, it was on Friday, the very last day for me to ensure I resolved the work situation, and I barely made it by the skin of my teeth. It was very dramatic for me.
When I got off the phone with my business partner who finally gave the confirmation needed for the matter to be closed, I felt like crowing aloud with exultation. Oh wait, I did!
I was exuberant! It was so incredibly gratifying because I did it! A potentially disastrous situation that would weaken my credibility with my peers suddenly reversed and I couldn't ask for a better result because not only was it reversed, I solidified important working relationships necessary for better work performance for the future.
It was an important week to me as I learnt so much. I've always been blessed in my work life, being surrounded by incredible people always willing to go the mile to help me with my work. This was the first time I stood alone and had no one to lean to. And all the cards I played turned out to be right. For the first time, I'm starting to believe that I'm not such a screwed up failure I accuse myself to be. And that is important.
Though I said I did it, I know I really didn't. The Lord did.
How I railed, despaired mid of the week. How I fumed at the politics at play, how helpless I felt at the moment I thought I lost. And then I prayed.
And it stopped being about Lord, vindicate me! Lord save me! Lord, help me come out of this so those who would see me fall will be shamed! But it became, it's really not important in the grand scheme of things. Teach me to leave it at Your feet and only be gripped by the passion of Your glory (as 1 Samuel 17 looped in my head on continuous replay).
By the time Friday evening came and I was headed to home church, I felt weak from all the excitement, intense relief with how God had done for me, and admittedly, gloating quite a bit. And feeling the confidence in me deepening.
Before returning to this job, I was still fearful of the lingering ghosts of the past. Would I be gripped by work as I once was? Would I find myself losing control over everything and drowning once again?
The pain of the past is fading and the peace of my Shepherd watching over me is growing.
Labels: Work tales