I never saw myself as smart or hardworking and in any way talented compared to peers in my student days.
It was when I started working that I was taken by surprise by how people constantly talked to me about being full of potential and having what it takes to "make it".
Looking back, it's interesting that it has taken years, right up to post-London (that long) before I could fully wean off being dependent on other people's constant affirmation and encouragement and fully realize that I have been created with strong qualities as an individual.
It was coming to Singapore that I truly grew into the awareness of my strong qualities... only to be knocked down again by certain individuals and environment in my previous company.
And it was a time when I had to decide for myself what kind of person I am to be; to stay down on the ground or to stand up (by myself with no one rallying around me).
Now as I stand on my own two feet, I suddenly realise that I am on level playing field with others now and if I don't get on with it, I'll be left standing alone while everyone else has raced miles ahead of me.
And at the exact same time, realize the prompts of my prideful heart to want to achieve for pride's sake when really, what have I in my life that has not been established by the Lord. As if I could claim anything for my own. I will run this race according to God's pace, not my own or by others.
I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.
Psalm 3:5
The morning after the day I gave up in May 2006