Jaded 

Last weekend I felt like I was sucked into a vortex of dreams. I've had some recurring dreams and it seemed to intensify during the weekend. I literally feel heavy physically when I get up - not the kind of heaviness when you've overslept and the body is lethargic, but almost as if I went to a different plane of unconsciousness and the body hadn't quite pulled itself out of that dimension yet.

And on Sunday I kept waking up in the morning and it felt like I kept being sucked right back in into dreaming. It happened about 5 times. By the time I snapped out of it, it was 1pm.

The earlier dreams were a bit disturbing but on Sunday, there seemed to be a turn. I was more relaxed and at peace. I think it reflects the undercurrents of my state of mind these days but I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

Am I at peace or am I resigned?

Am I letting go of self-centered control or am I giving up?

Am I learning Christlike meekness or am I apathetic?

I'm starting to see there are some pretty uncomfortable and not so good hard truths of what I've allowed myself to slide into. I'm not quite sure I like it. The upside to it all is that I'm starting to rouse myself to it. The fastest way out of the woods is when you get a bearing of where you are and then start using markers to get yourself unlost.


so writes ee @ 1:22 AM

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