Some weeks back I was having trouble sleeping. It would take me 30 minutes extra lying on my bed before I would fall asleep. And if I did, it would be light and restless and I would wake up after a few hours to go to the toilet. It was impossible to wake up early to get to office on time and my days would be filled with painful neck and shoulder aches.
It was very annoying.
Stress could have been the main cause.
But things are back to normal. I fall into deep sleep almost immediately and I'm not irritatingly lethargic all the time, though still hard to erase my grumpiness at the smallest sign of tiredness.
At this juncture of my life, or season of my life, I can almost feel a tangible reshaping of self in some ways. I've recently had loads of criticism levelled at me, which some may say I earned it, but some have said in my defence that it was not fair. I was grateful for their support as it was untenable for me to defend myself in such a situation.
I have always been the bullier, never the bullied, so speaking out wasn't a problem. But the silence was imposed from above, by The Pastor who had indicated to me to be nice to my critics, but also seconded by the Lord.
Silence perhaps in a way is my forte. I've never found being misunderstood too difficult a task to bear, and I have always found it a chore to explain myself. Talking, quite often is tiresome to me. I am a more effective communicator through written word than the spoken.
I am pretty certain after another year in this season, I will have evolved significantly - most perceptible to me even if not so much to others. I don't understand the reason for the need of silence the Lord has imposed. I am glad that The Pastor understands this silence though we are separated by our own individual brand of silence.
Musing grasshopper swastika
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