Journey mercies

The last week I found myself being surprised at my thoughts and reactions. It revealed to me the little changes that has taken place in me since moving to Singapore, and it amuses me that such changes are possible after all.

I have always been blunt about my opinions which can offend people. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed this change, but while I am still quick to flare up and lash out, my lashes are not as sharp as it can be.

It is a good thing, that I am under the authority of God, and am accountable to Him with every word spoken, every silence held and every thought of the heart counted for.

Because of His love, I am no longer as self-destructive or vicious in cutting at people who come too close to me. I do not have "maybes", but the assurance that I will grow and mature because the Lord is in the business of sanctifying us. And because I carry His name, and belong to Him, He will for His glory's sake protect me and uphold me.

I am amongst the most blessed of man. I have had so much love showered upon me in my life. From what could have been considered a loveless legacy my life could have inherited, Jesus intervened and exchanged it for a life overwhelmed with love.

The sea of faces that swim before me who have loved, the people I am already eager to reunite in heaven with. However, the only negative thing is that they have made me intolerant of shallow, hypocritical and meaningless forms of friendship and relationships. I have tasted what is good, and it makes me want to spit out the bad and the bland.

Michael Owen

Michael Owen was in his mid-40s when he was forced to be introduced to me. He had speech disabilities that made it hard for people to understand him so he was extremely shy and always tried to hide into the walls of the church. I don't know what it was, but he had decided that he liked me so would always try to say hello to me after Sunday service in the church I was with in London. All he could really say that I understood was whether I was fine and if I had my tea.

The first few months of knowing him I felt bad, guilty and uncomfortable because I could not think of any way to establish a deeper friendship and I started to want to avoid him since I didn't know how to have a conversation with him. But eventually I got used to the odd friendship there was. One weekend I baked cookies and decided to give him a tin of it the next day in church. When I passed the tin wrapped in black plastic, Michael's eyes shone and without even knowing what it was in the plastic, grabbed my shoulder and kissed my cheek to thank me.

A short while after that Michael was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer and passed away shortly after I moved to Singapore. Michael remains as one of my most inspiring teachers of love. He never cared that I couldn't talk to him about his love for old films and cricket. He loved me because of my smiles, for spending a few minutes after church with him, for sending him a card for his birthday, for thinking of him and giving him a gift for no reason.

He loved me because I saw him. He never told me all this while he was alive, but it is as if he is telling me this from heaven.

I had forgotten. I will have to remember the lessons of love Michael taught me.