Journey mercies

I've been in my present company for about 8 months. Because I can be a bit of a withdrawer, but also because I can get quite intense when I'm fixated on something, and because I am also a bit of a perfectionist and I am very goal-oriented, throw all that in together, and you get an irate person if you tried distracting her from her work with pointless social interaction.

I've often been criticized in all the companies I've been with (just a few) that I'm aloof, that I can be snobbish, that I need to build on my teamwork a little more.

I wonder why my critics didn't realise if there was any particular reason why I was not as friendly to them as they think I should.

But I will have to admit, I've never been as aloof as I've been with my present company before. Maybe a big part of it is that it's a different culture and people and I'm still not fully confident to be the extrovert I can be with them.

My job scope has changed a bit, and though they were sure more or less they would give me the additional responsibilities, they still made sure they followed formal processes and made me go through an interview. The managers in the interview was concerned because the additional responsibilities required a lot of interaction across the business, and after 8 months, their perception of me is still one of me being introvert and shy in building up relationships.

Could I cope with managing people the question was, especially bugging the people to give me what I need done.

I could have laughed at the question. Some ex-colleagues would attest that I have no problems with that. The only time I regretted being too aggressive in getting things done was when I marched up to a chief executive's office because I thought the manager who reports to him was sitting on the job, only to have the manager walk in in the middle of me explaining to the executive why I was in his office, with the papers of my request in her hands while her eyes spoke volumes of censure at me for undermining her.

Well, they didn't employ me to be a salesperson and gently wait for processes and people to take their natural course of time.

So anyway, I guess I convinced my managers that I was aggressive enough for the job, so my current role now has a wider scope and I'm happy.

But today there was a company meeting, and seatings were free for all. Not having established strong and widespread friendships yet, I was left to find a seat alone at the start of the meeting and I felt like a poor little schoolgirl with no friends in high school. :(

No matter how assured I can be to get a job done, at the end of it all, we're still human beings in need of affirmation. Sigh.

But as the meetings progressed and with breaks interspersed in between, we kept changing seats, and I was glad that for the rest of the afternoon, even when I found a seat by myself, the people I was closest with sat all around me and kept me from feeling like an outcast. I quite nearly felt loved, if it was ever possible!

Lesson to self: some amount of social interaction apart from work in the office isn't all that bad an idea.